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Curiouser and Curiouser: the Strange ‘Disappearance’ of Male Bisexuality

 

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The recent spate of media reports of the com­mon­ness of female bisexu­al­ity — and the ‘non-existence’ of the male vari­ety — inclines Mark Simpson to won­der why we seem to be kid­ding ourselves about the real, red-blooded nature of the ‘bi-curious’ times we’re liv­ing in

Male bisexu­al­ity doesn’t exist. Or it’s very, very rare. Or it’s really just gay men in denial. Yeah, it’s offi­cial: bi guys are freaks and liars as well as non-existent.

Female bisexu­al­ity, on the other hand, is almost uni­ver­sal. It’s as nat­ural and as true as it is won­der­ful and real and… hot!

Or so you would be for­given for think­ing if you had read the effus­ive reports in the papers about California State University’s recently pub­lished sex-research which claims that women are 27 times more likely to become attrac­ted to their own sex than men. I haven’t yet been able to study the research quoted, but any sex sur­vey that claims to have inter­viewed 3,500 people and show that 0.3% of men are attrac­ted to the same sex com­pared to 8% of women (as quoted in the Independent on Sunday 12/2/06) is dif­fi­cult to take ser­i­ously. Except as a meas­ure of social atti­tudes rather than sexuality.

Maybe it’s because some of my best shags are bisexual men, but I’m begin­ning to get a bit teed off with this drive to make male bisexu­al­ity dis­ap­pear, either into stat­ist­ics smal­ler than a micro-penis or obscured behind a flurry of girl-on-girl action. A few months ago The New York Times pub­lished an art­icle called ‘Straight, gay or lying?’ which seemed to be a press release for the hil­ari­ously cranky research of Dr J. Michael Bailey at Northwestern University.

Apparently this research involves wir­ing up people’s gen­it­als and show­ing them dirty pic­tures and then claim­ing to have ‘proved’ that male bisexu­al­ity doesn’t exist — while the female vari­ety is com­mon­place. Which seems a much more tenu­ous con­clu­sion to reach, rather than, for instance: most psy­cho­lo­gists at Northwestern University are very strange indeed. (Amongst other extraordin­ary omis­sions, the art­icle neg­lected to men­tion that Dr Bailey has more than one ‘pre­vi­ous’ in his area: he thinks trans­sexu­als are also ‘really’ gay men).

I hate to break it to you guys, but most of the evid­ence, his­tor­ical, anthro­po­lo­gical and sex­olo­gical, sug­gests that if any­thing, male ‘bisexu­al­ity’ – it’s a ter­rible word, almost as bad as ‘het­ero­sexual’ and ‘homo­sexual’, but it will have to do for now – is much more com­mon than the female vari­ety. After all, entire civil­iz­a­tions such as Ancient (and accord­ing to some accounts, Modern) Greece have been based on it. Not to men­tion pub­lic schools, the Royal Navy and Hollywood….

It’s unques­tion­able that female bisexu­al­ity is today much more socially accept­able than male bisexu­al­ity, and in fact fre­quently pos­it­ively encour­aged, both by many voyeur­istic men and an equally voyeur­istic pop cul­ture and also, per­haps slightly para­dox­ic­ally, by women’s new-found desire to assert them­selves sexu­ally. What’s more, female homo­sex has never been leg­ally or socially stig­mat­ized to any­thing like the same degree as male homosex.

It’s a fond myth that the Victorians exemp­ted female homo­sex from legal cen­sure because Queen Victoria couldn’t con­ceive of it (apart from any­thing else, the young Victoria was a fan of the poet Sappho). Woman-on-woman love action wasn’t legis­lated against because, unlike male homo­sex, it simply wasn’t con­sidered of much con­sequence. It may be dif­fi­cult for fem­in­ists to grasp, but ‘pat­ri­archy’ was always much more con­cerned about where men’s pen­ises went than women’s tongues.

Straight women now have some­thing to gain and little to lose by admit­ting an interest in other women. Rather than exile them to the acrylic mines of Planet Lesbo, it makes them more inter­est­ing, more adven­tur­ous, more mod­ern… just more. For the most part, how­ever, straight men still have noth­ing to gain and everything to lose by mak­ing a sim­ilar admis­sion. It renders them con­sid­er­ably… less. Unlike women, men’s gender is imme­di­ately sus­pect if they express an interest in the same sex.

What’s more, any male homo­sexu­al­ity still tends to be seen as an expres­sion of impot­ence with women. In other words: men’s attrac­tion to men is equi­val­ent to and prob­ably a product of emas­cu­la­tion. A straight man admit­ting that he finds mas­culin­ity desir­able – as so many clearly, thrill­ingly do – threatens to cost him the very thing he val­ues most: not only his own man­hood and his potency, his repu­ta­tion with the ladies, but his lads-together homoso­cial intim­acy with other men.

It’s a nasty, vicious, bitchy trick to play on mil­lions of red-blooded men, but this is what passes for com­mon sense in the mod­ern, Anglo-Saxon world. When a male in pub­lic life is outed as bisexual – and, with the excep­tion of controversy-courting David Bowie in the 1970s, who now denies he ever was, they almost never come out will­ingly – he is imme­di­ately rep­res­en­ted as ‘gay’.

For a man, unlike a woman, there is no such thing as ‘half gay’. It’s tan­tamount to being half preg­nant. Exhibits A and B: the recent out­ings of British Lib-Dem Members of Parliament Michael Oaten and bach­elor Simon Hughes by the press as ‘gay’ – or rather ‘GAY!’ This des­pite the fact that Oaten is a mar­ried man with chil­dren and Hughes’ own care­ful present­a­tion of him­self in his (clearly arm-twisted) admis­sion as bisexual.

All those witty ‘LIMP-DEMS’ head­lines illus­trat­ing once again that any male homo­sexu­al­ity is seen as emas­cu­la­tion. If a male celeb’s sexu­al­ity is ‘ques­tioned’ (a tellingly pop­u­lar phrase, sug­gest­ing his gen­it­als have been taken down the police sta­tion) by the tabs, they fre­quently run front page head­lines by some tart claim­ing ‘HE’S NO GAY! HE’S ALL MAN! WE ROMPED SEVEN TIMESNIGHT!’

Naturally, a man’s prowess with the ladies is proof pos­it­ive that he couldn’t pos­sibly be ever inter­ested in men. Hence the pop­ular­ity of the expres­sion ‘red-blooded het­ero­sexual male’. It goes without say­ing, doesn’t it, that non-heterosexual men have pink blood. Real men don’t do dick; and if they do, well, they’re not real men. Can I have my pro­fess­or­ship at Northwestern University now, please?

Speaking of unreal men, Robbie Williams, the drag king of Britpop, was recently awar­ded large dam­ages over news­pa­per reports that he had GAY HOMOSEXUAL SEX with ANOTHER MAN!. Many poin­ted out his libel action of his over accus­a­tions of GAY HOMOSEXUAL SEX was rather odd, hypo­crit­ical even, given this former mem­ber of gay disco dan­cing baby Chippendale troupe Take That’s care­ful cul­tiv­a­tion of his ‘ambigu­ous’ sexu­al­ity over the years, and its cru­cial role in mak­ing him seem much more inter­est­ing that he actu­ally is. However, Williams’ flir­ta­tion with ‘gay rumours’ was prob­ably more a I’m-so-secure-in-my-sexuality post­mod­ern strategy for dis­pelling the pos­sib­il­ity that he was homo at all.

Williams spent a great deal of time and money pub­li­cising his affairs with the ladies. This care­ful invest­ment threatened to be rendered worth­less by this story. In keep­ing with their reflex­ive denial of male bisexu­al­ity, the news­pa­per alleg­a­tions of his ‘homo­sexual affair’ also sug­ges­ted that his very high pro­file rela­tion­ships with women were a sham and that he was a GAY HOMOSEXUAL really. Hence Robbie ‘red-blooded’ Williams had to sue.

When men have sex with one another it is never sex – it is, you guessed it, GAY HOMOSEXUAL SEX! Last week British scan­dal sheet the News of the World ran a story about a ‘secret’ (i.e. unlaw­fully obtained) film of two bisexual English Premier League foot­ballers… hav­ing sex. The head­line for the story used the word GAY in font so large it covered more than half the page. (The words ‘sor­did’ and ‘per­ver­ted’ and ‘obscene’ were also much in evid­ence; in a story about bisexual women the words would be: ‘saucy’ ‘steamy’ and ‘sexy’.)

Likewise, ‘Brokeback Mountain’ was pop­ularly dubbed the ‘gay cow­boy’ movie, but in fact both the prot­ag­on­ists are bisexu­ally act­ive, and there’s rather more straight sex than gay sex in the film. Actor Jake Gyllenhaal has felt obliged to tell inter­view­ers how ‘uncom­fort­able’ it was for him to per­form the ‘gay sex’ scenes – des­pite there being almost none and that this is a film that likes to lec­ture us, rather tedi­ously, on how awful homo­pho­bia is. I sup­pose some would say we should com­mend his hon­esty; but then, this is a guy, remem­ber, who lives in LA and works in a pro­fes­sion where every­one smooches whenever they meet, when they leave, and when they’re feel­ing espe­cially emo­tional – like when they win an Oscar.

And I’m not even men­tion­ing that one of the prob­lems with ‘Brokeback’ was that Jakey boy was just too gay look­ing. If you’re a man who loves women, admit­ting a sexual interest in other men – or even fail­ing to men­tion how uncomfortable/ill the very idea of it makes you feel – can appar­ently cost you your vir­il­ity, and expose you to pub­lic ridicule of a kind that people might think twice about if you were actu­ally gay. Partly because a degree of polit­ical cor­rect­ness now pro­tects gays, and partly because gays, unlike bis, ‘can’t help them­selves’. And at least you know where you are with them.

You won’t even be praised for your ‘hon­esty’ as every­one will think you’re ‘really’ gay any­way. Why do bisexual men not come out? Because when a bisexual man comes out people shut their minds. Fear and loath­ing of male bisexu­al­ity is some­thing tends to bring het­ero­sexu­als and homo­sexu­als together. Instead of pon­der­ing the pos­sib­il­ity that pub­lic atti­tudes towards male bisexu­al­ity are a truer, less cen­sored indic­a­tion of what many people actu­ally feel about male homo­sexu­al­ity in gen­eral and its enforced incom­pat­ib­il­ity with mas­culin­ity, gay men too often rush to con­demn bisexual men and reas­sure het­ero­sexu­als: don’t worry, you’re not being homo­phobic when mouth­ing off about bisexual men coz we hate them too!

Gays, when they’re not eagerly cruis­ing bisexual men in laybys, saunas and chat-rooms, are too often keen to denounce the ‘dis­hon­esty’ and ‘double lives’ and ‘repres­sion’ of bisexual men – because they have the temer­ity to not be just like them, and instead lead ‘nor­mal’ lives that hap­pen to include a dis­creet, ‘devi­ant’ side­line, rather than order their lives and their ward­robe around their deviation.

In fact, the fet­ish might be on the other foot. The very exist­ence of male bisexu­al­ity threatens to put exclus­ive homo­sexu­al­ity into a neg­at­ive rather than a pos­it­ive light: per­haps you’re not gay because you love men but because you don’t love women. Another, per­haps more elit­ist gay response to male bisexu­al­ity is to insist that men are not ‘really’ bisexual unless they take it up the arse. This seems to me to be a pecu­liar require­ment. Would they also insist that a woman not be con­sidered ‘really’ bisexual until she had fucked a woman with a strap-on? Why priv­ilege some prac­tices above oth­ers? Many homo­sexual men are exclus­ively act­ive; are they not ‘really’ homo? Besides, it’s not for het­eros or homos to define what is ‘really’ bisexual. If it were left to them, there would be no such thing as bisexu­al­ity at all.

After all, bisexu­al­ity is ‘really’ the parts of human beha­viour that under­mine the very idea idea of ‘het­ero­sexual’ and ‘homo­sexual’ – of ‘sexu­al­ity’ itself. Male bisexu­al­ity may be still offi­cially invis­ible, but chat lines, mobile phones, chat rooms and the gen­eral frag­ment­a­tion of mod­ern iden­tit­ies has made it much easier for oth­er­wise het­ero­sexual men to dis­creetly explore their ‘bi-curiousness’ (a recent, erotic paddling-pool coin­age which attempts to avoid the plunge-pool iden­tity of ‘bisexual’). There are vast and grow­ing num­bers of these ‘bi-curious’ men, espe­cially those under 35 (some of them are prob­ably cruis­ing the chat rooms and rest rooms of California State University).

These are, after all, a gen­er­a­tion of men who have grown up with frank dis­cus­sions of homo­sexu­al­ity in the media and, more cru­cially, glossy, glam­or­ous images of male desirab­il­ity rammed down their throats, on bill­boards, magazines, films, pop music, TV and even and espe­cially on the play­ing field. Metrosexuality was in large part a response to this – and a socially accept­able, commodity-focussed male com­ple­ment to the media-generated trend towards female bisexu­al­ity which many men, while appre­ci­at­ing enorm­ously, felt some­what short-changed by. If the sex roles have broken down – nay, been battered down – why should women be allowed to main­tain the mono­poly on sen­su­al­ity and men be forced to con­tinue to merely per­form? Why the ana­chron­istic divi­sion of labour in the High Street and the bed­room? Why shouldn’t men exper­i­ment as well, and dis­cover, for example, their own pro­file – or their own G-spot? Why should Adam not be as curi­ous and as vain as… Eve?

Especially since the arrival of that boon to bound­less curi­os­ity as the Internet. This is a gen­er­a­tion of men who have grown up with easy access to hard­core porn; which, by the way, means: mas­turb­at­ing over images of pussies and dicks. In fact, dicks are fre­quently the only con­stant. Anyone claim­ing that men simply don’t have a bisexual respons­ive­ness should be made to watch the porn con­sumed by straight men today. Not only do all the most pop­u­lar scenes (anal and vaginal pen­et­ra­tion, blow jobs and ‘money shots’) star — very large — pen­ises, but more and more fre­quently, they are attached to young, attract­ive, smooth, worked out men that the cam­era lingers over much more than in the past.

Forget the sex-researchers with their clunky elec­trodes; the porn industry knows what today’s males like. You might counter that the met­ro­sexual male porn model phe­nomenon is simply a res­ult of the industry’s mostly fruit­less attempts to encour­age women to con­sume more porn; if you did you’d be even wider of the mark than those who have tried to explain away met­ro­sexual advert­ising entirely in terms of mar­ket­ing to women and met­ro­sexual men entirely in terms of pleas­ing women. Most ‘bi-curious’ men I’ve met – usu­ally very anonym­ously and very dis­creetly – express a very strong desire to try oral sex with a man, often as a res­ult of watch­ing so many women enjoy it.

Or maybe just because most men would suck their own penis if they could, but most can’t, so have to ‘phone a friend’. Or rather, a stranger. More often than not they have had these fantas­ies for an achingly long time before act­ing on them; and they def­in­itely haven’t spoken to any­one, espe­cially sex research­ers, about them. In fact, they are usu­ally ter­ri­fied that any­one might find out and this has been the main reason why they haven’t yet acted on these fantasies.

And these, remem­ber, are the most adven­tur­ous bi-curious men; the unad­ven­tur­ous bi-curious men simply stay curi­ous. This is prob­ably the oppos­ite for bi-curious women, who, it seems, tend to talk about it a lot before try­ing it. The most ludicrous aspect of today’s ‘sex­ist’ taboo on male bisexu­al­ity is that, after all, is it really so strange that males who are very inter­ested in mas­culin­ity quite often end up inter­ested in men. This is part of the reason why it used be thought of as a ‘phase’ that all male youths went through. There seems to me to be some­thing rather prissy and effem­in­ate about a mas­culin­ity that refuses any phys­ical intim­acy with men, ever. (Well, that’s what I say to straight men I fancy.)

At its most basic, most ‘rudi­ment­ary’, male ‘homo­sexu­al­ity’ is noth­ing more than a shared wank. All men, how­ever straight, know how to please a prick and have been doing so reg­u­larly, for most of their lives – many times more often than they’ve been pleas­ing pussy.

As for bug­gery – if God hadn’t inten­ded men to get fucked he wouldn’t have given them a pro­state gland. I don’t have any doubt that most of these bi-curious men really love women and always will, and in most cases rather more than they will ever love men. They are not mak­ing their first steps ‘out of the closet’ into a gay iden­tity. Many will lose their interest in hav­ing sex with another male. And there are, it is abund­antly clear to me from my own exhaust­ive sex-research, sev­eral ‘bi-curious’ straight men for every gay man. Exclusive, life-long male homo­sexu­al­ity is the excep­tional, not the nor­mal form of male-on-male desire.

Male bisexu­al­ity as a phe­nomenon is here already and is some­thing that soci­ety is going to have to get used to, or at least stop pre­tend­ing doesn’t exist – except when it wants to make money out of it in the form of advert­ising, fash­ion, pop-promos, movies and porn. If I was Herbert Marcuse I might argue that reach­ing for your buddy’s shorts instead of your wal­let – choos­ing the Real Thing over Diesel and Nike — is still ver­boten because cor­por­a­tions are mak­ing so much money selling straight men ersatz homosexuality.

That women are being encour­aged to talk about their bisexu­al­ity as an enhance­ment of their fem­in­in­ity and sexu­al­ity is rather mar­vel­lous – but it also height­ens the double stand­ard about male bisexu­al­ity, one as pro­nounced as the double stand­ard about promis­cu­ity used to be (men were ‘studs’ and women were ‘slags’), and makes it more inev­it­able that male bisexu­al­ity – by which I simply mean ‘straight’ male sexu­al­ity that doesn’t fit into het­ero­sexu­al­ity, and boy, there’s a lot of that – will have to be addressed can­didly sooner or later.

The tidy-minded inhib­i­tions which keep male bi-curiousness under wraps are still power­ful, but have largely lost their social value, their attach­ment to any­thing real; they are mostly rem­nants from a Judeo-Christian (re)productive, world that doesn’t exist any more, except per­haps in Utah, every other Sunday. Dr Bailey with his ter­ri­fy­ing sex lie-detectors is the (slightly camp) voice of the Superannuated Super-Ego. When enough young men real­ise this – or maybe just the des­per­ate pre­pos­ter­ous­ness of the argu­ments and ‘sci­ence’ deployed against male bi-curiousness – the change in atti­tudes will occur very quickly and dra­mat­ic­ally indeed.

Not least because the ‘bi-curiousness’ of some women seems almost bi-curious enough for both sexes. Women are begin­ning to talk about their interest in boy-on-boy bonk­ing as loudly as men have for years bragged about their interest in girl-on-girl action. Some are even try­ing to per­suade their boy­friends to return the ‘les­bian’ favour so often reques­ted of them in the past.

A sep­ar­ated ‘bi-curious’ fire­man in rural England I met a few times before he went back to his wife recently con­tac­ted me to tell me some­thing rather alarm­ing. ‘She found out about you,’ he said. ‘She hacked into my Hotmail account.’ ‘Oh, shit,’ I said. ‘What did she do? Throw you out?’ ‘No,’ he said. ‘She got turned on! She wants to watch.’ The poor guy had to tell her that that this really was a kinky bridge too far for him. That he was too much a tra­di­tion­al­ist to go down that path….

However the media tries to deny it, or oblit­er­ate it with another fever­ish dis­cus­sion of female bi-curiousness, it’s just a mat­ter of time before male bi-curiousness goes main­stream. These are inter­est­ing times. What we mean by ‘straight’ is chan­ging so rap­idly that the straight­est of straight men might soon find them­selves hav­ing to at least flirt with bi-curiousness – just to lay women.

© Mark Simpson 2006

UPDATE

In 2011 Dr Bailey recan­ted and very kindly allowed bisexual men to exist.

It’s a Queer World

Deviant Adventures in Pop Culture

Saint Morrissey

The acclaimed ‘psycho-bio’ of England’s most charm­ing – and alarm­ing – pop star.

Metrosexy

A bio­graphy of the metrosexual.

By his dad.

End of Gays?

What’s left of gay­ness when the homo­pho­bia stops?

Male Impersonators

The book that changed the way the world looks at men.

Sex Terror

This book will change the way you think about sex. It may even put you off it altogether.

31 thoughts on “Curiouser and Curiouser: the Strange ‘Disappearance’ of Male Bisexuality”

  1. This essay is excel­lent, but it’s truly sad that this stood out the most to me on a first read­ing: “Last week British scan­dal sheet the News of the World ran a story about a ‘secret’ (i.e. unlaw­fully obtained) film…” oh how prescient.

  2. Actually come to think of it what Bailey misses is everything else. For example ALL of the men I dated were very fem­in­ine. I am a big man and ath­lete. I have been attrac­ted to tone of voice, man­ner­ism, and the sens­it­iv­ity of some gay men. I also liked dom­in­at­ing and tak­ing them in a way that most women really can’t handle, for­cing oral sex, show­ing my strength against their body, etc. I really con­sider these men to be women to some extent. And I con­sider myself bisexual because my lovd of the fem­in­ine is not lim­ited to the female body.

  3. It is odd indeed that in Ancient Greece bisexual men (top bisexu­als you might say) had priveledged status and was the norm and in con­tem­por­ary times bisexual men are pushed to the low­est status. I can hardly make claims on the nature of bisexu­al­ity in men because I have known only about 5 other bisexual men, two of whom are now mar­ried (and now invis­ible). There may be a grain of truth that bi men may lean more gay or straight, but I have also seen a sort of flip flop phe­nomenon. I met a psy­cho­lo­gist in his late 30’s who said he dated women, only watched straight porn, iden­ti­fied as straight and then found sud­denly he was only attrac­ted to men. I asked “your a psy­cho­lo­gist how could you not know your­self” he respon­ded swear­ing there was no indic­a­tion over the years that he was sexu­ally attrac­ted to men. Another flip flop was of a man who was gay and was in a theater he kissed the female dir­ector “just play­ing around” and they ended up hav­ing a 3 year sexual rela­tion­ship. He them dated both men and women and then got mar­ried. He now calls him­self “straight”. I have always iden­ti­fied as bi and dated and had sex with mostly women (about 16) and had on occa­sion 5 times dated men. There has been the phe­nomenon that I don’t pair bond with men — mean­ing these rela­tion­ship though lov­ing, pas­sion­ate, etc. Last a few months while my rela­tion­ships with women often last from 1 — 5 years. And I am usu­ally very upset when that bond breaks. I recently met a bi man who has repor­ted the exact oppos­ite! The point is I think bisexual men now need to com­pletely take poses­sion of their exper­i­ence and exist­ence stop hav­ing straight and gay men and women arrog­antly tell us what we feel inside and the nature of our bisexu­al­ity. We can learn from one another, val­id­ate and sup­port each other — because since the Baily art­icle I feel I live in the early days of NAZI Germany and I think we all really need to take this very seriously!

  4. Thanks. I am bi male and have been out for twenty years and often cocky about it. I loved the art­icle it made me laugh. But recently I have been feel­ing pretty bad as I digest how much crap I have endured. As the man said above being out may be too big of price. Really few straight women will respond to my great online pro­file. I think straight women often have an inves­ted interest in mak­ing sure men are 100% straight as well as I have heard some of the worst from them. As far as gay men they whine and bitch about bisexual men until the can’t find any­one to top them. I actu­ally never chased a man in my life but have been chased and basic­ally relen­ted “all right already if I fuck the shit out of you will you leave me alone!” — ser­i­ously! I get not all bi men are dom­in­ant types — but there is some strange bi straight fet­ish and sim­ul­tan­eous hatred. But ser­i­ously I appre­ci­ate the humour because I am feel­ing really shitty about being out and vis­ibly when I am sup­pose to not exist at all.

  5. amaz­ing! will you marry me! lol srsly, that was a joy to read!

    I loved that you noted this

    Gays, when they’re not eagerly cruis­ing bisexual men in laybys, saunas and chat-rooms, are too often keen to denounce the ‘dis­hon­esty’ and ‘double lives’ and ‘repres­sion’ of bisexual men – because they have the temer­ity to not be just like them, and instead lead ‘nor­mal’ lives that hap­pen to include a dis­creet, ‘devi­ant’ side­line, rather than order their lives and their ward­robe around their devi­ation. In fact, the fet­ish might be on the other foot. The very exist­ence of male bisexu­al­ity threatens to put exclus­ive homo­sexu­al­ity into a neg­at­ive rather than a pos­it­ive light: per­haps you’re not gay because you love men but because you don’t love women.”

    Only lately and briefly pop­ping myself in the gay-world for a look around this fact just stunned me, it was awe­some to have it val­id­ated. But everything you said was spot on!

  6. your basic point is obvi­uos and true. the some­what vul­gar way you did it is the reason for the prejudice.

    it take away from you edu­cat­ing gaol.

  7. I am a clos­ted bisexual man. I prefer women but I enjoy hot sexual times with guys as well. I dont­like kiss­ing guys much but I love to kiss women. Its all about pref­er­ences. With the battle of the sexes a con­stant and the need for power and prow­ness always in the mix we will always try and put down oth­ers. Get over it. Fat skinny, tall short, ugly pretty, male , female, whatever. If you enjoy it enjoy it. There is alot that goes into sexu­al­ity and to try and quantify it with a broad stroke ro to vilafy it by any means is short sighted and wrong.

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