England’s new sporno kit sensation

grey Englands new sporno kit sensation

The new England rugby strip, launched for this year’s World Cup, some­how man­ages to be even tighter than the last, launched just four years ago to massed gasps. Are our lads going to be able to breath in? Are we going to be able to breathe out?

What’s more, it has an added sash/arrow plunging from armpit down to large, firm thigh, as demon­strated by the very lovely young David Strettle, pic­tured left (snapped dan­cing on a spot­lit podium at Heaven nightclub). Is it just me, or does it seem to shout: ‘If You Wanna Score — Flip Me Over!’?

Apparently the new strip’s ‘asym­met­ric’ design will con­fuse oppos­ing play­ers. I could make the obvi­ous joke that they won’t know whether to tackle them or kiss them. But then, why can’t you do both? (I cer­tainly find this a very effect­ive tac­tic with rugby play­ers myself.) The way things are going it can only be a mat­ter of time before this approach becomes compulsory.

So instead I’ll point out that if there’s any truth to the sci­ence of eye-tracking, which sug­gests that most men like to look at other men’s pack­ets rather linger­ingly, our oppon­ents’ main con­fu­sion with that ‘dress­ing to the left’ pen­du­lous arrow will be work­ing out where to actu­ally loc­ate our boys’ tackle.

[See how the mean­ing of ‘rugby shirt’ has changed over the years from ‘baggy beer towel’ to ‘gay disco cock­tail top’.]

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