England’s new sporno kit sensation


The new England rugby strip, launched for this year’s World Cup, some­how man­ages to be even tighter than the last, launched just four years ago to massed gasps. Are our lads going to be able to breath in? Are we going to be able to breathe out?

What’s more, it has an added sash/arrow plunging from armpit down to large, firm thigh, as demon­strated by the very lovely young David Strettle, pic­tured left (snapped dan­cing on a spot­lit podium at Heaven nightclub). Is it just me, or does it seem to shout: ‘If You Wanna Score — Flip Me Over!’?

Apparently the new strip’s ‘asym­met­ric’ design will con­fuse oppos­ing play­ers. I could make the obvi­ous joke that they won’t know whether to tackle them or kiss them. But then, why can’t you do both? (I cer­tainly find this a very effect­ive tac­tic with rugby play­ers myself.) The way things are going it can only be a mat­ter of time before this approach becomes compulsory.

So instead I’ll point out that if there’s any truth to the sci­ence of eye-tracking, which sug­gests that most men like to look at other men’s pack­ets rather linger­ingly, our oppon­ents’ main con­fu­sion with that ‘dress­ing to the left’ pen­du­lous arrow will be work­ing out where to actu­ally loc­ate our boys’ tackle.

[See how the mean­ing of ‘rugby shirt’ has changed over the years from ‘baggy beer towel’ to ‘gay disco cock­tail top’.]

5 thoughts on “England’s new sporno kit sensation”

  1. Nevertheless our Boys in Black will thrash the shit out of those metro rugby boys at the world cup. Our shirts are even tighter!

  2. HA! I sub­scribe to the the­ory that designer of the kit, just traced the lines my tongue would make if I had my filthy way with that model. Armpit to ass, and everything in-between, yum. How does one get that job? Or I’d settle for just fit­ting the entire team with it, mak­ing sure to take it in here & there — when I was done — it would surely dis­tract the oppos­i­tion & thrill the spec­tat­ors! America needs a rugby team in two bandaids & a cork with some dental floss to hold it all together…that out­fit would surely help them win.


  3. Yum! We now need an English ‘Dieux de Stade’ with them half in and half out of that kit!

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