MARK SIMPSON.com

This example of revenge sporno from last year seems to have slipped through my fingers….

‘Top’ Dutch footballer and former Aston Villa goalie Stefan Postma was a tad embarrassed last year to find a home-made video of himself enthusiastically bottoming, that’s to say, taking it up the Arsenal, plastered all over the ‘net’.

The chap doing the ’scoring’? Well, it was actually an embittered ex lady friend wearing a strapadicktome.

Another reason why man-shagging should be a man’s job. At least if they’re cute and blond and have thick necks. (I can keep a secret lads, honest!)

In this spornographic age it’s going to get out there anyway. And at least if they put it out there themselves they’ll make money out of it rather than fritter it away fruitlessly trying to keep the dirty thing under wraps. Most importantly, they’ll be able to make sure its edited in a flattering fashion. And it does make you rather more famous: I for one had never heard of Stefan Postma before; now I’m one of his greatest fans.

Though probably if sportsmen want to maximise sales they should pretend it was released without their consent.

Much was made of the ‘bizarre’ nature of the ‘kinky sex’ depicted. But why is it so strange that a straight man should want to get shagged up the arse? After all, if God hadn’t wanted men to get bummed he wouldn’t have given them prostate glands. A very convincing and attractive tranny pal who went through a great deal of pain trouble and expense to have the ‘op’ tells me that the first thing that straight men ask her once she’s told them she used to be a man is: ‘Will you shag me up the arse with a dildo?’ The next question is, ‘What’s the biggest one you’ve got?’

Probably the most shocking thing to most football fans is how clearly and audibly Stefan is enjoying being ploughed (and watching himself being ploughed in the mirror and, no doubt, in the video afterwards). Some of them will be thinking: ‘He seems to be enjoying taking that a lot more than I do giving it.’ Traditional heterosexuality’s rigid, or sometimes semi-erect, sexual division of labour depends on men not thinking too much about whether they’re getting a bum deal.

Or women. Interesting that no one seems to have considered that the lady friend in the video might be enjoying it too. She certainly sounds like it. For all we know, it might have been her idea. There are a lot of naughty ladies out there who don’t just lie back and think of Sunderland, and not all of them are trannies.

Now, after all those words, here’s what you really wanted: a clip of the strap-on video.