In the latest example of the prudish power of the USA’s rampant Phalliban, outraged residents of Kaiser, Oregon, have demanded the removal of some newly installed safety pillars.
Apparently they are too reminiscent of male genitalia. What a load of bollards.
Although I’m no expert on American penises, I’ve seen a few in my time — and I don’t recall any being made out of four feet of reinforced concrete. And I think I would have noticed.
I suspect the good women of Kaiser (and it does appear to be women in the report doing the complaining) are just bragging.
And if you’re talking offensively penis-shaped eyesores, humongous 4x4s like the one pictured behind the cheeky bollard — whose hefty momentum the pillars have clearly been designed to protect pedestrians from — look much more phallic to me.
The city council, eager to placate the Phalliban, plans to modify the appearance of the pillars with metal collars and chains. Though why S&M pricks should pass without comment where vanilla ones aroused a storm of indignant protest is unclear.
If this approach fails, the council has pledged to remove the pillars. Perhaps they should dynamite them like the Taliban did with the Buddhas of Banyan.
Surely though the cheapest way to disguise the phallicism of pillars like this in the US would be to give them foreskins? Or just make them wear really baggy board shorts?
Tip: Steve Zeeland
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I think that the “good people” Keiser obviously have smut on their minds.
Those safety pillars essentially serve the same of purpose as railings out side shops, “to stop stupid people from running into the bloody road.”
[…] are convinced it’s currently led by one. Recently the city council in Kaiser , Oregon was forced to promise to remove some traffic bollards because people complained they looked ‘too much like penises’. In other words, bollards. […]
A self-satisfied orgy of phalli with no vagini? Write a stiff letter to the city council!
For the record, I actually went there today. Saw these in person. Pointed. Laughed hysterically. They look like exactly what they are supposed to be. Concrete things designed to keep people (probably commercial truck drivers) from driving over the curbs onto the sidewalk. What the picture above doesn’t show is that we’re not just talking about ONE OR TWO of these bad boys, but like a row of 15 of them on all four corners of an intersection. We could say the REAL problem is that there is a veritable ORGY of phalli (indicating some sort of sodomy angle), but they really don’t look like penises any more than the classic silver bullet style trash cans that you see everywhere. (Or real bullets, come to think of it.)
Uppity housewives consistently make a convincing case for the repeal of women’s suffrage.
Oh wow, that was a hilarious post! Especially the S&M and foreskin parts.
But on a serious note, how totally ridiculous and pathetic. Those women must have really active…no, make that overactive…imaginations. What a bunch of dipshits they must be. It’s this sort of nonsense that makes me sick and makes American look like total twits.
Shine on,
Aaron