Marksimpson.com is delighted to offer you an exclusive peek at ‘1976′, a chapter from James Maker’s forthcoming eye-wateringly agile memoir ‘Autofellatio’, revealing for the very first time how the punk summer of 1976 really began: with his suspension from grammar school for impersonating his mother…. (Jon Savage eat your heart out.)
‘Now exposed as an architect of tissue-thin deceit, I squirmed on a Jacobean ébéniste as Dr Friskney began to recite my letters to Mr Potter.
“Dear Mr. Potter
Unfortunately, James is unable to attend school for one week because he has been diagnosed by the doctor as suffering from advanced impetigo of the lower lip which, as you may be aware, is highly contagious.”
Mrs Maker.”
“Dear Mr. Potter
James’ impetigo has now rapidly spread to the upper lip and its immediate environs. The medicated cream is being applied thrice daily but, at this time, we feel it inadvisable to allow him to return to school for at least another week. We are concerned for his nose.
Mrs Maker.”
My mother asked, “What does ‘environs’ mean?” Unwisely, I laughed. Three pairs of eyes shot up and drilled me with stony censure.’
You can read the hilarious chapter in full here.
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