Michael Musto, a very gay man, had this to say in The Village Voice recently about those perfidious, untrustworthy bisexuals:
Everyone always says they’re bisexual, blabbing on and on about how “sexuality is fluid, and I don’t really like labels”–but usually I find these are just gay men who are afraid to come out. I know there are real bisexuals out there–mainly because I’ve heard that there are–and I do think it’s a lovely idea to actually crave sex with people regardless of gender. I’m just wondering how real a phenomenon this is, as opposed to a smoke-and-mirrors coverup designed to keep antsy gays in the closet.
Most of the guys I know who say they’re bisexual end up doing Bette Davis impersonations after a few drinks, and when you invite them to an all-girl bar, they get excited, thinking you mean Splash. But do you know anyone who REALLY is equally attracted to both men and women and effortlessly glides between those two dating pools without a second’s thought or self-consciousness? If so, do you ever suspect they’re full of shit?
Musto was perhaps being deliberately crass, but he should probably be thanked for voicing what probably most gay men think about bisexual men (and note that he starts talking about ‘bisexuality’ but it quickly becomes clear that, like me, he’s only interested in bisexual men). Stripped down and lubed up, here’s what Musto was really saying about those flakey bi guys:
- They’re lying
- They really want to be Michael Musto
- Real bisexuality is about ‘craving’ men and women because bisexuals are greedy
- If they’re not greedy and equally attracted to both men and women – and of course I get to decide whether they are or not – then we’re back to where we came in.
- Will I get to suck his cock?
Funny how many gay men appear to want to exterminate male bisexuality as a category even though they often find the idea of bisexual men a big turn on. Each man kills the thing he loves…. Of course, for some men declaring themselves ‘bi’ is a way of edging out of heterosexuality into full-time all-singing, all-dancing homosexuality and evenings out with Michael Musto. But that’s not why gay men are often so hostile to male bisexuality. The real reason is that, like most straight people, they want every man who touches another man’s pee-pee to have to join the gay team. They want to own mansex. And they want all those who have mansex to be just like them. Which, if they look like Musto, is I’d venture a slightly dystopian dream.
Sorry, but I’m going to quote myself again from three years ago when the NYT ran a much worse article than Musto’s musings called ‘Gay, Straight Or Lying?’:
‘Fear and loathing of male bisexuality is something tends to bring heterosexuals and homosexuals together. Instead of pondering the possibility that public attitudes towards male bisexuality are a truer, less censored indication of what many people actually feel about male homosexuality in general and its enforced incompatibility with masculinity, gay men too often rush to condemn bisexual men and reassure heterosexuals: don’t worry, you’re not being homophobic when mouthing off about bisexual men coz we hate them too!’
And why do people, Musto in particular, assume that bisexuals have to be “equally attracted to both men and women”? Is 51% & 49% not good enough. Or 60% and 40%. And how do we ever know? And who cares? Just let’s stop trying to cram everyone into either a 0%, 50% or 100% box please!
It’s clearly true that some men identify themselves with being being bi because they believe that it’s safer, hipper to not just be a homo. I think that it came around with hipness at about the time that the metrosexual thing did. i’ve known a number of ‘bi’s ‘ who only have sex with men and are onventional bottoms. I know from my own experience thaty I have had sex wit both men and women. Women are more difficult because they usually seem to want some kind of commitment, which changes the geography of the wholesexual event.
Likewise , while I agree with Steven about a presumed equal attracton being difficult and not necessary to mesure, it seems to be goofy to anticipate the kind of sex you want which is different with different conformation: i.e. you would probablty not blow a woman or fist her due to conformation issues. Oral sex with a woman requires a different procedure.
From my own experience it just requires kind of a different mind set to do one or the other. I knew one young male prostetute who claimed believably that he liked women ten times more than men, and yet paid to have sex on one occasion with me,Why I don’t know. But I think that it points to matters of personality. I know that I can tell straight men a lot more about making love to women than they are aware of., just because I’m adventuresome.
So it can be complicated. To a large degree, it depends on developing tastes, willingness ,and becoming accustomed to doing new things. I saw the BBC version of Tchicovsky’s life and it was pictured truely, that he was literally horrified by the prospect of having intercourse with his wife; she ended up going insane. So it may be good to watch what we set ourselves up for.
p.s. The American prejudice against bisexuality is tied primarily to their desire to believe in the genetic origin of sexuality, which tends to push people one way or the other; there being a sort of absoluteness to that view, which they don’t want to give ground on; That is prety cowardly, I think.
haha … the one who is posting the comments
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