Banana-Curious: Why Men Throat Curved Fruit on YouTube

 

Male bi-curiousness may not be as ‘cool’ as The Daily Beast thinks, but banana-curiousity is clearly all the rage.

There has been a bit of a vogue for young men videoing themselves greedily downloading curved phallic fruit and uploading the sometimes messy, sometimes awe-inspiring results to YouTube. I’ve collected a few examples which may put you off your packed lunch. Or make you want to get to know it a whole lot better.

Because it’s a fruit that looks like a penis and is not an actual penis, fruit fellatio is something you can perform for your helplessly sniggering male buddies on buses, in barracks and canteens and post on YouTube for the world to see without age restrictions or, apparently, any embarrassment.

Nor does it tell us anything about your sexuality – save that you’re probably ridiculously heterosexual. Though it may suggest that, like most straight men nowadays, you spend rather a lot of time masturbating furiously over porn featuring gargantuan penises while wondering – just before you shoot all over the monitor again – whether or not you could do a better job of swallowing it than the lady porn star ‘slut’.

It’s a shame that male bi-curiousness couldn’t be treated the way banana-curiousness is by most people: just an eye-watering laugh that doesn’t mean anything, still less revealing some ‘inner truth’ about who or what you really are – or aren’t.  In other words, a bit like female bi-curiousness.

In fact, let’s just scrub the word ‘bi-curious’ for men, since it is apparently such a charged term, and replace it with ‘banana-curious’. Banana-curious guys could discretely flag up their interest to other banana-curious males by including a picture of them eating a banana on their online profiles.

Sadly though, such is the stigma still attached to men’s interest in other men and their bits that even banana-curiousness will sometimes get you flamed as… FAGGOT!!!!!  And even lads who like to throat twelve-inch ‘cock bananas’ on camera will fall over to prove themselves fag-haters because that of course proves their heterosexuality.

There’s a furious exchange on YouTube between the young chap above, who manfully attempts what he describes as ‘a cock banana’ (of Holmesian proportions that would have me hiding under the bed, quaking like a wet chihuahua) and a clearly envious if somewhat conflicted commenter who starts off by screaming:

‘GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!!!! ‘

The banana-throater responds wittily:

‘your the gay one fuck head ‘

Which leads inevitably to the riposte:

‘your gay for makin’ this video ‘

Fascinating epistemological question, that. Who is gayer? The uptight straight boy throating a twelve inch ‘cock banana’ on YouTube or the straight boy watching it and working himself into a homophobic froth about it?

‘your the faggot who searched for it ,if you like men youtube aint the place’

‘you’re gay for makin’ the video for us to search for,and I never searched for it. It came up when I was lookingh for something of a completely different category.’

Yes! That’s exactly how I came across this clip too!

Maybe it’s just me, but whenever I come across this kind of exchange between young males it always seems clear as day that such passionate denunciations of one another as ‘faggots’ is only possible – in fact only makes any kind of sense – if ‘faggot’ thoughts are extremely common amongst young males and they are forever fretting that they’ll be found out.

The banana-throater’s girlfriend makes a somewhat convenient appearance to prove he’s not gay – which of course in itself proves he couldn’t possibly be interested in penises – and to shoo away the gays that are circling around her talented boyfriend in language suspiciously similar to that used by him:

‘sorry gay boy its only a banana if you want to see cock why dont you go buy a poofs magazine’

Mind you, dear, as one of the posters points out, your boyfriend did title his charming video ‘cock banana’, so you can hardly blame the gay boy poofs can you? Your boyfriend, like you, does appear to have ‘issues’.

Here’s the banana-cock-throating boy’s own response to another poster’s offer to let him try out his skills on the real thing:

‘no thanks gay boy, women are suppose to do that kind of thing. its adam and eve not adam and steve.’

Whereas deep-throating bananas is of course entirely natural and normal and as God intended.

But the really important, urgent question, er, ‘thrown up’ by these clips is of course: who has the best technique? No.2 looks to have the most capacious throat, but I’m tickled by No.5’s enthusiasm, while No.6 has a very cheeky finish. Please post your reviews….

And to all you banana-curious lads out there wondering how to suppress that tricky gag-reflex: try taking a deep breath before swallowing. Poppers, relaxing music and a hand around the back of the head helps too.

Health and Safety Notice: if you really are going to try this at home I should probably point out that an actual penis or proper plastic dildo is probably less dangerous down your throat than a banana as they’re both somewhat less likely to break in two and choke you to death.

3.

“I hurt my throat!” (Yeah, right.)

4.

“It’s a big dick!” Not really, dear….

5.

Lots of eye-contact here.

6.

A cheeky finish.

 

UPDATE 1/4/12

A few years on and it seems one or two of the banana-throaters posted above have become a tad shy about their talents and pulled their clips. So I had a quick look on YouTube and found a new banana star – a cute blond jarhead who deep throats curved fruit in the barracks for a dollar. “Will you go out with me?” jokes his clearly impressed bunk buddy.

Meanwhile someone has kindly collected a ‘bunch’ of YouTube banana-throating vids and spliced them together:

 

Liked it? Take a second to support Mark Simpson on Patreon!

13 thoughts on “Banana-Curious: Why Men Throat Curved Fruit on YouTube

  1. Hi, my name is Chiquita and I am a real banana from Jamaica. Can you please connect me with this Adam guy that seems so friendly with bananas like me? I would like to become his friend. Thank you for your help.

  2. It took a lot of practice before I could get nearly as skilled as any of them. This is too skilled not to be porno-come-on Mark.

  3. Okay they are all so great, but #5 looks like a pro that would put a hustler or porn star to shame.

  4. This is hysterical…. but be warned, contains the (luckily silent) Kirk Cameron. Now we know why these boys are deep throating bananas…it is God’s plan – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z-OLG0KyR4

    “It has a point at the top for ease of entry. It’s just the right shape for the human mouth…It’s even curved towards the face to make the whole process so much easier.”

  5. I would give his buddies a go as well….I am non-discriminatory as to who plays with my banana….

  6. Adam can further practice on my real banana in front of his buddies any time if he wants to perfect his technique.

  7. I vote for Adam the marine-soldier guy (no 3). And just how “straight acting” is deep throating a banana? Another dream shattered….

  8. If you’re going to gobble down 12 inch stiffies, you may as well make a pal happy, right. Do the real thing; as long as your head ‘s in the right place, so to speak. You’d think, however, that the truly straight lad would be wanting to slop around in a pomegranette to get the proper surrogate for his preference. Even W.H Auden had the sense when he went through tunnels to say “Hello Mother” ; he knew the difference. It doesn’t take Freud to figure out that the curiosity there goes with trying as hard as possible to simulate males equipment. And apparently enjoy the experience; why else worry about the flavor? He could get a plain old Zuchinni squash.
    I just wonder,since he’s on a role, Why doesn’t he might try the other end. That is his other end. Fear of wasting fruit ?If you’re going to gobble down 12 inch stiffies, you may as well make a pal happy, right. Do the real thing; as long as your head ‘s in the right place, so to speak. You’d think, however, that the truly straight lad would be wanting to slop around in a pomegranette to get the proper surrogate for his preference. Even W.H Auden had the sense when he went through tunnels to say “Hello Mother” ; he knew the difference. It doesn’t take Freud to figure out that the curiosity there goes with trying as hard as possible to simulate a males equipment. And apparently enjoy the experience; why else worry about the flavor? He could get a plain old Zuchinni squash.
    I just wonder,since he’s on a role, Why doesn’t he might try the other end. That is his other end. Well, who knows what’s off camera ?

Comments are closed.