Author Archives: Mark Simpson

To The Unknown Bottom

US Navy cadets pay their monumental respects.

Menbarrassing Advertising

You may remember I recently blogged about the Brazilian Dove Men+Care shampoo ad in Brazil. The one with the male office drone transformed, to his horror, into a beautiful Beyonce Drag Queen. Because he used the wrong kind of cosmetic. The kind that doesn’t double Dove’s money. It had a rather laughable message, but at

Brando Bukkake

  Tip: Keltik and terrysmalloy 

Rupert Everett’s Flabby Bottom

I’m currently devouring Rupert Everett’s delicious second volume of memoirs Vanished Years, straight after finishing the first, Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins. Though it should probably be read slowly, reclining on a queen-sized bed in a silk dressing gown and slippers – as if you were eating very expensive, very naughty bitter-sweet chocolate liqueurs. It’s

Sex With Someone You Love

To celebrate National Masturbation Month HuffPo have posted a version of an essay of mine collected in Sex Terror on how ‘self-abuse’ came out of the cubicle, tissue stuck to its shoe: You see, wanking is a normal form of human sexual behavior, and intercourse is the deviation. Most men, even those in long-term relationships —

Niall Ferguson: Butch or Bitch?

Niall Ferguson’s ‘The Cash Nexus: Money and Power in the Modern World’ reviewed by Mark Simpson  (Originally appeared in the Independent on Sunday, 2001) How sexy and right wing is the historian Niall Ferguson? It’s no idle question, since sexy right wing historians can gain fame and fortune, that’s to say – money and power –

Ryan Lochte Manscapes For Hours — With Liberace’s Razors

Tip: Supermarky

New Renault Clio Comes With Embarrassing Aberzombie Attack Button

 (Note: the A&F pager button only works if there’s a hidden film crew.) Tip: DAKrolak

I’d F*ck Me: Mirror Man-Love

 WARNING: hipsters and gay bears may want to watch this ad backwards. I’m rather taken with this refreshingly direct ad currently airing on MTV for a Philips Norelco product that promises to ‘shave, style and groom’. And also you’d be forgiven for thinking, suck your cock. A young man approaches the mirror, face and chest hidden

Elvis Models 1950s Undesigner Underpants For US Army

  We’ve got to patch it up baby Before we fall apart at the seams We’ve got to patch it up baby We can’t let time unravel our dreams     Tip: DAKrolak