Author Archives: Mark Simpson

Swedish Meatballs

De Vet Du, Sweden’s com­edy answer to Blue - and in fact all boy­bands every­where - dis­cover they can only get erec­tions around one another. Can’t say I blame them. Their next and most recent video seems like the nat­ural sequel; my Swedish is rather poor, but maybe the words would only con­fuse the mes­sage which seems to […]

I Spy an M-Way Onanist

Mark Simpson on the motor­way drivers we all love to hate  Statistically the safest roads to drive on, there’s nev­er­the­less some­thing about motor­ways that seems to bring out the very worst in drivers. Other drivers, that is. Never you or me, of course. Some would argue it’s because there’s no motor­way driv­ing required in the […]

Greased Up Swedish Marines

Sometimes I worry that I’m too dif­fi­cult to please these days. At first glance I thought this latest example of ‘sol­diers act­ing gay on video’, in this instance Swedish Marines in Afghanistan, was, des­pite the lash­ings of good humour on dis­play, not to men­tion the mil­it­ary pre­ci­sion that has been put into the cho­reo­graphy, a little dissatisfying. […]

It’s a wonderful beard! It’s SO THICK!!”

What Exactly Was Heterosexuality?

This clas­sic Gay Liberation poster from 1975 by Alan Wakeman mock­ing mid-century het­ero­sex­ist plat­it­udes remains very funny indeed. It’s also still per­haps the best response to those — straight and gay — still seek­ing to find the ’cause’ of homo­sexu­al­ity. Though obvi­ously the ‘Cultural Deprivation’ bal­loon at the bot­tom is no longer true: ‘Heterosexual men… think themselves […]

The Catlike Narcissism of Metrosexy Men — & Cats

Which one would get your cream?  From Des Hommes et des Chatons Tip: DAKrolak

Metrosexuality & the Selfie

Metrodaddy Mark Simpson was recently email inter­viewed by Beverly Parungao for a Sydney Morning Herald piece titled ‘Are Men Becoming Too Metrosexual?’ . Below are his unapo­lo­getic, uncir­cum­cised replies. BP: What is driv­ing the met­ro­sexual move­ment? MS: Self-love – and a cer­tain amount of self-loathing – is cer­tainly a power­ful dynamo. But ulti­mately what we’re see­ing here is noth­ing less […]


Dan Osborne, the won­der­fully, shame­lessly tarty star of The Only Way is Essex and now beau­ti­fully brazen under­wear model for Bang Lads, phở­to­graphed deli­ciously by Darren Black.  Write-up by the DM on the shoot here.

A1 Love — The Greatness of The Great North Road

Mark Simpson goes on a road trip con­nect­ing four coun­tries: England, Scotland, the UK — and Yorkshire. What’s so ‘Great’ about ‘The Great North Road’? Better known in our more impa­tient era as the A1? Well, if you’re unfor­tu­nate enough to find your­self in the south, it takes you to the north – or ‘The NORTH’ […]

Tom Daley Comes Out — As Happy

In the affect­ing, intimate-yet-professional YouTube clip above, a slightly red-eyed and emo­tional Tom Daley, the Olympic medal win­ning British diver and best thing to hap­pen to Speedos since Mark Spitz, says he was mis­quoted in an inter­view earlier this year in which he appeared to deny he was gay (albeit insist­ing he wouldn’t be ashamed if […]