marksimpson.com

Stripping Down the Male Body

Posted by in advertising, spornosexual

Disability char­ity Scope have been air­ing a cheeky ad this sum­mer designed to encour­age people to donate clothes. It’s a funny trib­ute to the iconic Levis ‘Laundrette’ ad of 1985 and fea­tures a very studly 24-year-old model and per­sonal fit­ness trainer Jack Eyers in the Nick Kamen role. And boy, does he fill it. Instead of strip­ping off to wash his clothes, Eyers denudes him­self to donate to the cause. As he gets down to his white box­ers we sud­denly get a close-up on his hi-tech pros­thetic leg, which has remained hid­den until now. In terms…read more

It’s a wonderful beard! It’s SO THICK!!”

Posted by in advertising

0

Metroessexual

Posted by in advertising, metrosexy

Dan Osborne, the won­der­fully, shame­lessly tarty star of The Only Way is Essex and now beau­ti­fully brazen under­wear model for Bang Lads, phở­to­graphed deli­ciously by Darren Black.  Write-up by the DM on the shoot here.

Ten Iconic Car Ads

Posted by in advertising, cars

Ten unfor­get­table car ads from the past four dec­ades that tran­scen­ded both cars and advert­ising and came to sym­bol­ise an age by Mark Simpson Fiat Strada – ‘Hand Built by Robots’ (1979) A fact­ory full of robots assembles cars to the strain of Rossini’s Figaro – with nary a soul to be seen. Today this legendary ad dir­ec­ted by Hugh Hudson seems like slightly dull doc­u­ment­ary, but in 1979 it was thrill­ing Sci-Fi. The grace­ful move­ment of the cars and robots set to clas­sical music seems inspired by the weight­less scene in…read more

Cristiano Ronaldo Gives Birth To Godlike New Pants — & His Mini-Me

Posted by in advertising, sporno

0

Motorsport Goes Sporno

Posted by in advertising, sporno

1

The Well-Scrubbed Purity of the Past

Posted by in advertising

IVORY SOAP…99.44% PURE’ Well all I can say is that 0.66% is cer­tainly work­ing very hard indeed. This 1919 ad shows soapy sol­diers bathing on the deck of a troop­ship and being sprayed by a kindly — and gen­er­ously endowed — sailor: ’25 under the hose at one time.’ The dropped-soap theme of this ad seems, at least to our mod­ern, know­ing eye, to have been revis­ited dur­ing the Second World War by this one for Buna bath tow­els. Tip: DAKrolak

Invictus — Smells Like Team Sporno

Posted by in advertising

  This bom­bastic ad for Paco Rabanne’s new fra­grance for men ‘Invictus’, released this Summer, stars Aussie rug­ger bug­ger Nick Youngquest, his muscles, his tatts, his beard, and most of all his obliques. (They’re the diag­onal lines above those track pants with the really worn waist elastic — point­ing to his, ahem, price­less pack­age.) The world’s paparazzi bathe him in money-shot white flashes as he strolls through a sta­dium show­ing off his oiled, win­ning body with a rather self-satisfied grin. Not that we hold it against Nick, of course. We…read more

Action Pants! Now with extra large snack sack!

Posted by in 1950s, advertising, commentary

I have abso­lutely noth­ing to say. For once.   Tip: Vintage WTF

The Death of Tradland?

Posted by in advertising

0

The Manly Strap-On Maxi Pad

Posted by in advertising

0

Why Men Love Shoes

Posted by in advertising, metrosexual

Metrosexual goes main­stream as men out­spend women on foot­wear’ announced a head­line in the Daily Telegraph last week, deal­ing a death blow to yet another stand-up comedian gendered gen­er­al­isa­tion stand-by. I have to admit that even metrodaddy was some­what taken aback that men have over­hauled women in the shoe fet­ish­ism depart­ment, and so quickly. But this may just be because I’m over 45 — appar­ently the one age group where men still spend less than women on foot­wear. New research from the con­sumer ana­lysis out­fit Mintel shows 25–34 year-old males spent an…read more

Menbarrassing Advertising

Posted by in advertising, commentary

You may remem­ber I recently blogged about the Brazilian Dove Men+Care sham­poo ad in Brazil. The one with the male office drone trans­formed, to his hor­ror, into a beau­ti­ful Beyonce Drag Queen. Because he used the wrong kind of cos­metic. The kind that doesn’t double Dove’s money. It had a rather laugh­able mes­sage, but at least it was funny and well made. These British ads for Dove Men+Care shower gel and deodor­ant cur­rently run­ning on UKTV are dif­fer­ent. They have a laugh­able mes­sage but aren’t funny or well-made. In fact, they…read more

New Renault Clio Comes With Embarrassing Aberzombie Attack Button

Posted by in advertising

 (Note: the A&F pager but­ton only works if there’s a hid­den film crew.) Tip: DAKrolak

3

I’d F*ck Me: Mirror Man-Love

Posted by in advertising, metrosexual

Use Our Straight Acting Cosmetics — Or Everyone Will Know You’re a Drag Queen

Posted by in advertising, metrosexual, retrosexual

4

Diet Cock: Coca Cola’s Porno Promo

Posted by in advertising

As an avid voyeur of the media’s mar­ket­ing of the male body I meant to write about this new Diet Coke advert ‘Gardener’ when it first strut­ted its stuff a a month or so back, but it com­pletely slipped my mind — like a chilled, bead­ing soft drink can in a lubed hand. Apologies. Obviously there’s not enough NutraSweet in my blood­stream. For its 30th anniversary Diet Coke, a sticky, fizzy, calorie-free brown drink aimed at women (Coke Zero is the ‘male’ equi­val­ent — the girly word ‘diet’ replaced by a manly…read more

Fill My Man Cave With Your Manly Man Meat

Posted by in advertising

(No, this is not an Onion spoof. This is very ser­i­ous indeed. Masculinity and selling shit is about as ser­i­ous as you can get in America.) Tip: DAKrolak

4

Becks’ Bum: Satisfaction or Disappointment?

Posted by in advertising

I don’t have much to say about the much-discussed latest Beckham ad for his H&M pants, dir­ec­ted by fel­low LA-loving Brit Guy Ritchie, in which he runs through Beverly Hills in his white slip­pers as the props and scenery con­spire to remove his clothes, Cupid Stunt–like. Except: Those slip­pers must be really, really snug to stay on. And: How sweet that Guy Ritchie has gradu­ated from mak­ing homo­phobic gay porn for straight men, such as Lock Stock and Snatch, to mak­ing gay porn for, well, every­one. OK, while I found the rest of it, like the under­wear…read more

Nightmare Balls

Posted by in advertising, metrosexual

Once again, I’m very grate­ful that American fem­in­ists have sci­en­tific­ally proven (by look­ing at dusty back issues of Rolling Stone magazine) that men aren’t ‘really’ objec­ti­fied, only women are. Because it means that this eye-popping ad for toi­let cleaner fea­tur­ing a tarty boy band sus­pen­ded beneath the rim of a toi­let in cages, implor­ing ‘baby’ to pull the chain and flush them — slowly wash­ing away their clothes — doesn’t really exist, and none of us need have night­mares about it. And I don’t need to ana­lyse it. Tip: David S

2

Copyright © 1994 - 2014 Mark Simpson All Rights Reserved.