marksimpson.com

How The Prostate Came Out of the Closet

Posted by in commentary, masculinity, sex

Mark Simpson snaps on the latex gloves and gives men’s pro­states a thor­ough exam­in­a­tion (Originally appeared in a shorter, more taste­ful form in The Daily Telegraph, 12 Nov 2014) ‘Movember’ is upon us again, and so are the ironic and per­haps not so ironic upper lip pubes, remind­ing us of the very import­ant, very worthy – and until Movember, very over­looked – issue of pro­state can­cer, a dis­ease which affects 42,000 men each year, and kills 11,000. But this is per­haps also a good time to remem­ber that pro­states don’t just…read more

Spornosexual Celebs — Gallery of Shamelessness

Posted by in commentary, spornosexual

  Click here for an eye­pop­ping col­lec­tion of celeb male self-objectification: Spornosexual Celebs — Gallery of Shamelessness

Trunks Should Be Worn High (& Adjusted Privately)’

Posted by in commentary

  It seems that Cape May’s Speedo ban was rel­at­ively lib­eral com­pared to the beach blanket American Puritanism that pre­ceded it. Until the 1930s you could get arres­ted on East Coast beaches just for show­ing your (male) nipples, no mat­ter how baggy and unap­pet­ising your swim­ming trunks were. In Europe and on the West Coast top­less bathing for men has long been no nov­elty on pub­lic as well as private beaches. But in the more inhib­ited East a male cos­tume con­sist­ing solely of trunks was, until just recently, cause for arrest on…read more

From Boy 2 Man in the Mirror (in a windy bedroom)

Posted by in commentary

Hugo Cornellier took a selfie a day from the age of seven until he was nine­teen and then turned it into a selfie-movie. And in the pro­cess turned him­self into a YouTube celebrity. There’s some­thing quite haunt­ing about it, not just in the stop-motion doc­u­ment­ary of a boy’s trans­ition into man­hood in a self-regarding, accel­er­ated age — and the way he can’t make up his mind whether or not a beard really suits him — but also the way that a selfie-movie turns every­one else in your life into a…read more

Male Body Rolling

Posted by in commentary

I’m really look­ing for­wards to this doc La Bare, about a male strip­per club in Dallas, released later this month. This single clip is more sen­sual than any­thing in Magic Mike. Except the bit where he goes to take a piss after a hard night’s party­ing. And that’s just acci­dental but­tock roll. I have no idea how to body roll, and I sus­pect it would be med­ic­ally inad­vis­able at my age — let alone aes­thet­ic­ally — but it cer­tainly looks quite some­thing when mus­cu­lar men do it, as opposed to the…read more

Dude, Where’s My Objectification?

Posted by in commentary

These ‘jokey’ Veet ‘Don’t risk dude­ness’ ads in which a ‘sexy lady’ turns into an ‘unsexy dude’ because she hasn’t used the smelly depil­at­ory cream have pro­voked an e-flurry of out­rage for their sex­ism and sham­ing of women who aren’t always smooth, so much so that Veet had to issue an apo­logy and with­draw them. But what’s truly ‘funny’ about these ads is that in some ways they strike me as actu­ally being the advert­ising world’s ver­sion of those ‘gender flip’ click-bait posts that many of the people lam­bast­ing the Veet ads pro­fess…read more

Meat the Spornosexual

Posted by in masculinity, metrosexual

The second gen­er­a­tion of met­ro­sexu­als are cum­ming. And this time it’s hard­core by Mark Simpson What is it about male hip­sters and their strange, pal­lid, highly ambi­val­ent fas­cin­a­tion with bod­ies beefier and sex­ier than their own? Which means, of course, pretty much every­one? You may remem­ber last year that last year the Guardian colum­nist and TV presenter Charlton Brooker had a very messy bowel-evacuating panic attack over the self-sexualisation of the male body exhib­ited in real­ity show Geordie Shore. Now the hip­ster bible Vice have run a long, pas­sion­ate –…read more

A Male Fan Dance. With Towels.

Posted by in commentary

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Greased Up Swedish Marines

Posted by in commentary

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What Exactly Was Heterosexuality?

Posted by in commentary

  This clas­sic Gay Liberation poster from 1975 by Alan Wakeman mock­ing mid-century het­ero­sex­ist plat­it­udes remains very funny indeed. It’s also still per­haps the best response to those — straight and gay — still seek­ing to find the ’cause’ of homo­sexu­al­ity. Though obvi­ously the ‘Cultural Deprivation’ bal­loon at the bot­tom is no longer true: ‘Heterosexual men… think them­selves “ugly”, beauty being ascribed only to women. Many psychic dis­orders stem from this self-rejection.’ Three dec­ades on, male het­ero­sexu­al­ity has been pretty much phased out and replaced by met­ro­sexu­al­ity — spec­tac­u­larly abol­ish­ing the sexual…read more

The Catlike Narcissism of Metrosexy Men — & Cats

Posted by in commentary

Which one would get your cream?  From Des Hommes et des Chatons Tip: DAKrolak

Metrosexuality & the Selfie

Posted by in commentary, interviews, masculinity, metrosexual, metrosexy, Women

Metrodaddy Mark Simpson was recently email inter­viewed by Beverly Parungao for a Sydney Morning Herald piece titled ‘Are Men Becoming Too Metrosexual?’ . Below are his unapo­lo­getic, uncir­cum­cised replies. BP: What is driv­ing the met­ro­sexual move­ment? MS: Self-love – and a cer­tain amount of self-loathing – is cer­tainly a power­ful dynamo. But ulti­mately what we’re see­ing here is noth­ing less than a revolu­tion in mas­culin­ity in par­tic­u­lar and gender rela­tion­ships in gen­eral. Metrosexuality isn’t about flip flops, facials or man­scara, or about men becom­ing ‘girly’ or ‘gay’ – it’s about men becom­ing everything. Everything that they want to be.…read more

Sticking it To The “Man Up”

Posted by in commentary

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Royal Marines Directed by Visconti, Choreographed by Richard O’Brien — Sponsored by WKD

Posted by in popular culture

(Be sure to watch all the way to the ‘climax’.)

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American Speedophobia Strikes Again

Posted by in commentary

  The buff chap with the stuck-on beard above was recently kicked out of a foot­ball game in Florida for dar­ing to wear as little on the stands as the cheer­lead­ers do on the pitch. Boo! American Speedophobia strikes again! It wouldn’t hap­pen in Oz, home of the budgie smug­gler and anything-but-shy spor­no­graphic rugby play­ers. And where, with the launch of Amazon.co.au, Mark Simpson Kindle titles are now avail­able to download!

Dear Hero in Prison — Quotes From Morrissey’s Autobiography

Posted by in 70s, commentary, Morrissey, music

Well, I’ve read that book. You know, the fastest-selling music bio­graphy ever. And while it would be hideously indec­or­ous of me to review it – espe­cially since Morrissey was kind enough not to men­tion my bio­graphy of him – I will say this: It cer­tainly didn’t dis­ap­point. In lieu of a review, here are some espe­cially cher­ished lines. Because of course, everything that he says rings true-oh-oh-oh. On his homet­own …we live in for­got­ten Victorian knife-plunging Manchester, where everything lies wherever it was left over one hun­dred years ago. On his big head Naturally…read more

Made By Dave — Michael Barrymore’s Fashion Line

Posted by in commentary

The ‘Dave’ of ‘Made by Dave’ is the name of Michael Barrymore’s pet Jack Russell ter­rier. I rather like the idea of upmar­ket men’s clothes line designed by a dimin­ut­ive dog with a big per­son­al­ity. Fashion labels can be notori­ously snobby and pre­ten­tious. And after all, Barrymore is a work­ing class Bermondsey boy who became a mis­chiev­ous, chaos-causing much-loved fix­ture of the nation’s front rooms. His hugely pop­u­lar TV act often con­sisted in him bound­ing off the stage and jump­ing all over his audi­ence, cov­er­ing them with licks — to…read more

Tasty New Works from Pallavi Singh

Posted by in commentary

The rather won­der­ful Delhi based artist Pallavi Singh who was fea­tured on this blog last year has shared with me her latest paint­ings explor­ing the Indian exper­i­ence of met­ro­sexu­al­ity. With her kind per­mis­sion I’ve pos­ted them below with some explan­at­ory text from the artist. (My per­sonal favour­ites are prob­ably ‘Graynian Shades’, ‘Man Crush’, and ‘Beauty and the Man Bag’.) In my pre­vi­ous works “Here comes the Mirror Man”, “Rise of Mirror Man” and “Mirror Mirror on the wall” showed com­fort and accept­ance of met­ro­sexual needs and com­pared the two phe­nom­ena i.e. the dis­tinc­tion…read more

I Am Beardy Man. Hear Me Roar.

Posted by in commentary

A col­lec­tion of hir­sutely hil­ari­ous phở­tos from this year’s National Beard and Mustache Championships. Full marks to the extens­ively ton­sured furry chaps who didn’t take them­selves too ser­i­ously to take part in this shoot. But in truth, as a raging pogono­phobe, I have to admit that all beards look like this to me. Except of course the one belong­ing to my good pogono­phile chum Lee Kynaston, who recently wrote this saga­cious piece in the Telegraph about why some men should never grow beards. Tip: Norbert Mirani

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