How The Prostate Came Out of the Closet

Posted by in commentary, masculinity, sex

Mark Simpson snaps on the latex gloves and gives men’s pro­states a thor­ough exam­in­a­tion (Originally appeared in a shorter, more taste­ful form in The Daily Telegraph, 12 Nov 2014) ‘Movember’ is upon us again, and so are the ironic and per­haps not so ironic upper lip pubes, remind­ing us of the very import­ant, very worthy – and until Movember, very over­looked – issue of pro­state can­cer, a dis­ease which affects 42,000 men each year, and kills 11,000. But this is per­haps also a good time to remem­ber that pro­states don’t just…read more

Spornosexual Celebs — Gallery of Shamelessness

Posted by in commentary, spornosexual

  Click here for an eye­pop­ping col­lec­tion of celeb male self-objectification: Spornosexual Celebs — Gallery of Shamelessness

Trunks Should Be Worn High (& Adjusted Privately)’

Posted by in commentary

  It seems that Cape May’s Speedo ban was rel­at­ively lib­eral com­pared to the beach blanket American Puritanism that pre­ceded it. Until the 1930s you could get arres­ted on East Coast beaches just for show­ing your (male) nipples, no mat­ter how baggy and unap­pet­ising your swim­ming trunks were. In Europe and on the West Coast top­less bathing for men has long been no nov­elty on pub­lic as well as private beaches. But in the more inhib­ited East a male cos­tume con­sist­ing solely of trunks was, until just recently, cause for arrest on…read more

From Boy 2 Man in the Mirror (in a windy bedroom)

Posted by in commentary

Hugo Cornellier took a selfie a day from the age of seven until he was nine­teen and then turned it into a selfie-movie. And in the pro­cess turned him­self into a YouTube celebrity. There’s some­thing quite haunt­ing about it, not just in the stop-motion doc­u­ment­ary of a boy’s trans­ition into man­hood in a self-regarding, accel­er­ated age — and the way he can’t make up his mind whether or not a beard really suits him — but also the way that a selfie-movie turns every­one else in your life into a…read more

Male Body Rolling

Posted by in commentary

I’m really look­ing for­wards to this doc La Bare, about a male strip­per club in Dallas, released later this month. This single clip is more sen­sual than any­thing in Magic Mike. Except the bit where he goes to take a piss after a hard night’s party­ing. And that’s just acci­dental but­tock roll. I have no idea how to body roll, and I sus­pect it would be med­ic­ally inad­vis­able at my age — let alone aes­thet­ic­ally — but it cer­tainly looks quite some­thing when mus­cu­lar men do it, as opposed to the…read more

Dude, Where’s My Objectification?

Posted by in commentary

These ‘jokey’ Veet ‘Don’t risk dude­ness’ ads in which a ‘sexy lady’ turns into an ‘unsexy dude’ because she hasn’t used the smelly depil­at­ory cream have pro­voked an e-flurry of out­rage for their sex­ism and sham­ing of women who aren’t always smooth, so much so that Veet had to issue an apo­logy and with­draw them. But what’s truly ‘funny’ about these ads is that in some ways they strike me as actu­ally being the advert­ising world’s ver­sion of those ‘gender flip’ click-bait posts that many of the people lam­bast­ing the Veet ads pro­fess…read more

Meat the Spornosexual

Posted by in masculinity, metrosexual

The second gen­er­a­tion of met­ro­sexu­als are cum­ming. And this time it’s hard­core by Mark Simpson What is it about male hip­sters and their strange, pal­lid, highly ambi­val­ent fas­cin­a­tion with bod­ies beefier and sex­ier than their own? Which means, of course, pretty much every­one? You may remem­ber last year that last year the Guardian colum­nist and TV presenter Charlton Brooker had a very messy bowel-evacuating panic attack over the self-sexualisation of the male body exhib­ited in real­ity show Geordie Shore. Now the hip­ster bible Vice have run a long, pas­sion­ate –…read more

A Male Fan Dance. With Towels.

Posted by in commentary


Greased Up Swedish Marines

Posted by in commentary


What Exactly Was Heterosexuality?

Posted by in commentary

  This clas­sic Gay Liberation poster from 1975 by Alan Wakeman mock­ing mid-century het­ero­sex­ist plat­it­udes remains very funny indeed. It’s also still per­haps the best response to those — straight and gay — still seek­ing to find the ’cause’ of homo­sexu­al­ity. Though obvi­ously the ‘Cultural Deprivation’ bal­loon at the bot­tom is no longer true: ‘Heterosexual men… think them­selves “ugly”, beauty being ascribed only to women. Many psychic dis­orders stem from this self-rejection.’ Three dec­ades on, male het­ero­sexu­al­ity has been pretty much phased out and replaced by met­ro­sexu­al­ity — spec­tac­u­larly abol­ish­ing the sexual…read more

The Catlike Narcissism of Metrosexy Men — & Cats

Posted by in commentary

Which one would get your cream?  From Des Hommes et des Chatons Tip: DAKrolak

Metrosexuality & the Selfie

Posted by in commentary, interviews, masculinity, metrosexual, metrosexy, Women

Metrodaddy Mark Simpson was recently email inter­viewed by Beverly Parungao for a Sydney Morning Herald piece titled ‘Are Men Becoming Too Metrosexual?’ . Below are his unapo­lo­getic, uncir­cum­cised replies. BP: What is driv­ing the met­ro­sexual move­ment? MS: Self-love – and a cer­tain amount of self-loathing – is cer­tainly a power­ful dynamo. But ulti­mately what we’re see­ing here is noth­ing less than a revolu­tion in mas­culin­ity in par­tic­u­lar and gender rela­tion­ships in gen­eral. Metrosexuality isn’t about flip flops, facials or man­scara, or about men becom­ing ‘girly’ or ‘gay’ – it’s about men becom­ing everything. Everything that they want to be.…read more

Sticking it To The “Man Up”

Posted by in commentary


Royal Marines Directed by Visconti, Choreographed by Richard O’Brien — Sponsored by WKD

Posted by in popular culture

(Be sure to watch all the way to the ‘climax’.)


American Speedophobia Strikes Again

Posted by in commentary

  The buff chap with the stuck-on beard above was recently kicked out of a foot­ball game in Florida for dar­ing to wear as little on the stands as the cheer­lead­ers do on the pitch. Boo! American Speedophobia strikes again! It wouldn’t hap­pen in Oz, home of the budgie smug­gler and anything-but-shy spor­no­graphic rugby play­ers. And where, with the launch of, Mark Simpson Kindle titles are now avail­able to download!

Dear Hero in Prison — Quotes From Morrissey’s Autobiography

Posted by in 70s, commentary, Morrissey, music

Well, I’ve read that book. You know, the fastest-selling music bio­graphy ever. And while it would be hideously indec­or­ous of me to review it – espe­cially since Morrissey was kind enough not to men­tion my bio­graphy of him – I will say this: It cer­tainly didn’t dis­ap­point. In lieu of a review, here are some espe­cially cher­ished lines. Because of course, everything that he says rings true-oh-oh-oh. On his homet­own …we live in for­got­ten Victorian knife-plunging Manchester, where everything lies wherever it was left over one hun­dred years ago. On his big head Naturally…read more

Made By Dave — Michael Barrymore’s Fashion Line

Posted by in commentary

The ‘Dave’ of ‘Made by Dave’ is the name of Michael Barrymore’s pet Jack Russell ter­rier. I rather like the idea of upmar­ket men’s clothes line designed by a dimin­ut­ive dog with a big per­son­al­ity. Fashion labels can be notori­ously snobby and pre­ten­tious. And after all, Barrymore is a work­ing class Bermondsey boy who became a mis­chiev­ous, chaos-causing much-loved fix­ture of the nation’s front rooms. His hugely pop­u­lar TV act often con­sisted in him bound­ing off the stage and jump­ing all over his audi­ence, cov­er­ing them with licks — to…read more

Tasty New Works from Pallavi Singh

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The rather won­der­ful Delhi based artist Pallavi Singh who was fea­tured on this blog last year has shared with me her latest paint­ings explor­ing the Indian exper­i­ence of met­ro­sexu­al­ity. With her kind per­mis­sion I’ve pos­ted them below with some explan­at­ory text from the artist. (My per­sonal favour­ites are prob­ably ‘Graynian Shades’, ‘Man Crush’, and ‘Beauty and the Man Bag’.) In my pre­vi­ous works “Here comes the Mirror Man”, “Rise of Mirror Man” and “Mirror Mirror on the wall” showed com­fort and accept­ance of met­ro­sexual needs and com­pared the two phe­nom­ena i.e. the dis­tinc­tion…read more

I Am Beardy Man. Hear Me Roar.

Posted by in commentary

A col­lec­tion of hir­sutely hil­ari­ous phở­tos from this year’s National Beard and Mustache Championships. Full marks to the extens­ively ton­sured furry chaps who didn’t take them­selves too ser­i­ously to take part in this shoot. But in truth, as a raging pogono­phobe, I have to admit that all beards look like this to me. Except of course the one belong­ing to my good pogono­phile chum Lee Kynaston, who recently wrote this saga­cious piece in the Telegraph about why some men should never grow beards. Tip: Norbert Mirani

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