Category Archives: commentary

Meat the Spornosexuals

The second gen­er­a­tion of met­ro­sexu­als are cum­ming. And this time it’s hard­core by Mark Simpson What is it about male hip­sters and their strange, pal­lid, highly ambi­val­ent fas­cin­a­tion with bod­ies beefier and sex­ier than their own? Which means, of course, pretty much every­one? You may remem­ber last year that last year the Guardian colum­nist and […]

Dorian Orange

There was some­thing in his face that made one trust him at once. All the cand­our of youth was there, as well as all youth’s pas­sion­ate pur­ity. One felt that he had kept him­self unspot­ted from the world. No won­der Basil Hallward wor­shipped him.’ — The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde

A Male Fan Dance. With Towels.

This reminds me of what hap­pens whenever I go into the men’s chan­ging room at my gym. Probably the fun­ni­est thing about this French TV com­edy routine is how it depends on the way the lads’ cocks are hid­den from an audi­ence that is strain­ing to see them, while they end up shar­ing them with one […]

C4’s ‘Porn on the Brain’ remade for the American market

Mercifully shorter than the ori­ginal — but with more sci­ence. Though how, I won­der, if Mormons are appar­ently so blind to innu­endo are they sup­posed to spot the sins of emis­sion and the stains of Onan? Don’t bash the bishop! Talk to him! In his study. He’ll help you out.

Swedish Meatballs

De Vet Du, Sweden’s com­edy answer to Blue - and in fact all boy­bands every­where - dis­cover they can only get erec­tions around one another. Can’t say I blame them. Their next and most recent video seems like the nat­ural sequel; my Swedish is rather poor, but maybe the words would only con­fuse the mes­sage which seems to […]

I Spy an M-Way Onanist

Mark Simpson on the motor­way drivers we all love to hate  Statistically the safest roads to drive on, there’s nev­er­the­less some­thing about motor­ways that seems to bring out the very worst in drivers. Other drivers, that is. Never you or me, of course. Some would argue it’s because there’s no motor­way driv­ing required in the […]

Greased Up Swedish Marines

Sometimes I worry that I’m too dif­fi­cult to please these days. At first glance I thought this latest example of ‘sol­diers act­ing gay on video’, in this instance Swedish Marines in Afghanistan, was, des­pite the lash­ings of good humour on dis­play, not to men­tion the mil­it­ary pre­ci­sion that has been put into the cho­reo­graphy, a little dissatisfying. […]

What Exactly Was Heterosexuality?

This clas­sic Gay Liberation poster from 1975 by Alan Wakeman mock­ing mid-century het­ero­sex­ist plat­it­udes remains very funny indeed. It’s also still per­haps the best response to those — straight and gay — still seek­ing to find the ’cause’ of homo­sexu­al­ity. Though obvi­ously the ‘Cultural Deprivation’ bal­loon at the bot­tom is no longer true: ‘Heterosexual men… think themselves […]

The Catlike Narcissism of Metrosexy Men — & Cats

Which one would get your cream?  From Des Hommes et des Chatons Tip: DAKrolak

Metrosexuality & the Selfie

Metrodaddy Mark Simpson was recently email inter­viewed by Beverly Parungao for a Sydney Morning Herald piece titled ‘Are Men Becoming Too Metrosexual?’ . Below are his unapo­lo­getic, uncir­cum­cised replies. BP: What is driv­ing the met­ro­sexual move­ment? MS: Self-love – and a cer­tain amount of self-loathing – is cer­tainly a power­ful dynamo. But ulti­mately what we’re see­ing here is noth­ing less […]