Category Archives: sex

Bummed up the arse

The world of straight trade may have long since dis­ap­peared from the streets of London but if you still hanker after that lost eco­nomy of bois­ter­ous­ness, straight nightclub toi­lets might be a fru­ti­ful place to loiter. Preferably with a line or two of coke (Colombia’s own ver­sion of the Gay Bomb – or ‘con­ver­sion powder’ as a […]

Trading in the past: Queer London

  Once upon a time the streets of the cap­ital heaved with jolly sail­ors and guards­men look­ing for gen­tle­men to have fun with. Then gay lib­er­a­tion came along and ruined it for every­one, com­plains Mark Simpson (Independent on Sunday — 11 September, 2005) I con­sider myself some­thing of a tra­di­tion­al­ist. I enjoy tra­di­tional activ­it­ies, such […]

The Crapsex Guide

Most Britons are unhappy with their sex lives’, accord­ing to a recent sex sur­vey. Apparently they don’t enjoy it very much (nearly half don’t orgasm every time — and their part­ners don’t even notice). Most of all, they com­plain that their ‘busy life­styles’ mean they don’t have enough time to have ‘really sat­is­fy­ing sex’. No wonder. […]

Finally, a condom for butter-fingers…

Is this the end of frantic­ally try­ing to tear shiny foil with lube-covered fin­gers while your arousal ticks ever down­wards and your part­ner admires the wall­pa­per? Consumerism, in its end­less quest to make everything oh-so effort­less, does also tend to make things some­what point­less. Here how­ever it actu­ally helps you to main­tain your pointy­ness. All […]

Oral Sex in the City

Mark Simpson on why God gave (most) men back­bones longer than their penis (Originally appeared in Attitude, 1998, as ‘Slick Willy’) Once upon a time, becom­ing a rock star was the only way a young male could be assured of get­ting free blow-jobs from females. This, not private jets or yachts or tax havens or leather […]

Michael Barrymore’s Big Brother Comeback

Shamed TV enter­tainer’ – as he was re-Christened by the British press – Michael Barrymore’s new auto­bi­o­graphy ‘Awight Now: Setting the Record Straight’ has just been pub­lished by Simon & Schuster. I’ve yet to see a copy, but the title and the blurb, the pub­li­city, the large pub­lisher behind it and the reports of a […]

Sexual Outlaws: ‘Gay For Pay’ Paratroopers

This month’s Details magazine car­ries a let­ter (which Details strangely neg­lected to show to me) by vet­eran gay writer John Rechy, author of the cult 60s hust­ler nov­els ‘City of Night’ and ‘Numbers’, and the 70s plea for homo tol­er­ance ‘The Sexual Outlaw’ (books I enjoyed as teen­ager in the 80s). He takes issue with […]

Wanking On: How Masturbation Became Aspiration

Mark Simpson gets to grips with a man’s favour­ite bad habit ‘WANKER!’. À bas­tard blue van has just cut me up, pulling out sud­denly from a side-street right in front of me, for­cing me to brake. Hard. So I respond in the cus­tom­ary English way: wind­ing down the win­dow, lean­ing out and call­ing him, at the […]

Promiscuity into Bureaucracy: Gaydar and Online Cruising

The MP Chris Bryant has faced calls for his resig­na­tion for appear­ing in his pants in mes­sages sent via a gay web­site — but oth­ers see Gaydar as the future of dat­ing. So what is it really like? Mark Simpson speaks with the (exhausted) voice of exper­i­ence (Independent on Sunday, 7 December 2003) Gay men […]

Mark Simpson’s Inside Story on the US Army’s Gay Porn Scandal

The cur­rent (May) issue of the proudly met­ro­sexual Details magazine includes an ‘under­cover’ exclus­ive by yours truly on the globally-reported gay porn scan­dal involving para­troop­ers from the élite 82nd Airborne, ‘America’s Honor Guard’. A couple of years ago my buddy and The Queen is Dead co-author Steve Zeeland tipped me off to the exist­ence of, […]