Category Archives: film

Brando Bukkake

  Tip: Keltik and terrysmalloy 

You people are insane!! These movies are TERRIBLE!!!”

What’s your favour­ite scene in Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Bill Murray and Martin Landau’s best movie? (I’ve writ­ten an appre­ci­ation of Ed Wood for the new online arts mag Culture Kicks.) Here’s mine.

The Swishy Villainy and Psychodrama of Skyfall

Mark Simpson fondles the pecs and thighs of James Bond’s latest ‘out­ing’ When at their first meet­ing in Skyfall a rather for­wards Raul Silva, played by a bleached-blond Javier Bardem, takes cad­dish advant­age of James Bond’s/Daniel Craig’s indis­pos­i­tion – tied as he is to a chair – run­ning his hands over 007’s craggy face, ripped […]

Does Magic Mike Have Anything To Stick Himself With?

The anim­ated gif above will save you £8 and 109 minutes of dis­ap­point­ment. Yes, I’ve done my invert duty and been to see Magic Mike. Which, accord­ing to The New York Times, gay men are ‘flock­ing’ to see in num­bers not seen since Brokeback Mountain. Even if they’re not all as jaded as me I […]

Honey, you don’t wanna know what I have to do for twenties.”

Friday Night and Sunday Afternoon — A Delightful ‘Weekend’

When I first saw the trailer for ‘Weekend’ it seemed to be a tale of two beards that meet in a gay club in Nottingham on a Friday night and then pro­ceed fall for one another over the next couple of days in a coun­cil flat. And then I watched it. Once I got past the […]

Channing Tatum — The Modern Male Stripped Bare

I like Channing Tatum. I like the fact he hasn’t got a fash­ion beard. I like his open, bor­ingly beau­ti­ful boy­ish face. I like his GI Joe body. I like the kind of slightly goofy char­ac­ters he plays. I like that he worked in a strip joint before he star­ted strip­ping off for Hollywood. I […]

Why ‘Warrior’ Isn’t That Kind of Girl

Middlesbrough, Teeside, one of the last steel-making towns in the UK or in fact one of the last places in the UK where they still make any­thing, is prob­ably the right place to go and see, as I did last week, Warrior, the recently-released, much-hyped MMA Rocky remake set in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Warrior is essentially […]

The Gayness of Top Gun: Feel The Need

Frankly, we could watch a few more hours of Baldwin chew­ing the scenery as Pacino and Hader flab­ber­gas­ted that the pro­du­cers don’t under­stand how “gay” their script is: “I say, ‘Ice Man’s on my tail, he’s com­ing hard.’ I lit­er­ally said that to a bath­room attend­ant last night.” (I’d like to embed here a clip of […]

Chris Evans is Captain Cocktease

You know how every­one com­plains that the best bits of a movie are in the trailer these days? Well, in the case of the new super-hero block­buster Captain America the ONLY bits are in the trailer. But WHAT bits they are! At around c. 1.40 mins Chris Evans’ oiled bazookas burst out of the instant stud machine he’s […]