Gymder – The Spornosexual Social App

Finally! Spornosexuals no longer have to run the risk of socialising with people who don’t work out, own no Lycra, and think that whey isolate sounds absolutely vomitous. Now, thanks to a Munich-based company, spornos have their very own ‘social’ app that will allow them to find, locate and interact with other spornos in their vicinity. Which of course is likely to be someone sweating on the machine next to them in the gym they spend their lives in. Read the rest of the article by […]

Cristiano Ronaldo The Electronic Sex Doll

This ad starring Cristiano Ronaldo flogging body exercise electrodes called SIXPAD – or SEXPAD? – has been airing UK television for some months now, but every time it comes on it still makes me gape – pardon my French. It’s both funny and disturbing, and in truth I had avoided writing about it until now because I hoped it was just a bad dream (I usually glimpse it on late-night TV). But it isn’t going away. The ad itself is incredibly camp. Or kitsch. Or […]

Pietro Boselli – Spornosexual Philosopher

Mark Simpson sits at the feet of ‘The Bona of Verona’ Pietro Boselli, the ‘world’s sexiest maths teacher’ as he has been breathlessly dubbed by the press, is living, geometrically consistent proof that spornosexuals don’t have to be dumb. And also that for all their self-sexualisation, spornos can be romantico. Angelic, even. Though if angels look like this who needs Hell? Hailing from Verona, Italy, with his cherubic facial features, those bucolic, rosy cheeks that belies his 27 years, and that smiley submissiveness, Boselli puts […]

Sporno Italico

Mark Simpson visits Rome’s Foro Italico, home of Mussolini’s Olympic ‘gay gang-bang in Carrara marble’ Off the well-worn tourist track, on the North bank of the Tiber in the Eternal City, hidden away in the Foro Italico sports complex, is a vast, open-air shrine to the idealised male form that most visitors to Rome are unaware exists. Which is rather odd, seeing as it is essentially a huge – if tastefully done – gay gang-bang in Carrara marble. The Stadio dei Marmi (‘Stadium of the […]

Inside Spornosexual Pride

Mark Simpson goes to BodyPower, the UK’s biggest fitness expo, & tries not to stare too hard. Even though staring is very welcome. (Originally appeared in The Daily Telegraph 4 August, 2016) “Would you like me to take my top off?” is the shy and retiring usual response when you ask a chap here if he minds having his photo taken. Followed by much flexing. Those that are actually wearing a top. Many are just wearing a flawless tan. Or vests – or ‘tanks’ as they’re […]

Gymnos Guys – Gymnastics Goes Back To Its Naked Roots

The Olympics in Rio are taking up the starting position, and Yorkshire-based Team GB gymnast Nile Wilson has dusted his hands with chalk and mounted his pommel horse to warm up and show off his pecs, tris, tatts, abs and obliques. Oh, and advertise Hyperflex jeans. They certainly look very flexible. Though surely there’s a jean-shorts version available? Or perhap a denim thong? Nile, 20, is not the only UK gymnast to be ‘exploited’ and ‘objectified’ by the rapacious eye of advertising in our body-centred age. Olympic medallist […]

Stereo Sporno – The Harrison Twins

Mark Simpson on the splendidly shameless pumped progeny of David Beckham & Take That Good things come in pairs. Buttocks, breasts, balls, pecs, Twix – and the Harrison twins. Owen and Lewis Harrison, originally from England’s beautiful Lake District, an hour’ or so’s drive north of Manchester, are quite the attraction themselves – international fitness models, personal trainers, Instagram stars and ‘ambassadors’ for the giant online supplements company MyProtein. So they’re probably not eating many Twix. They’re also stunning spornosexuals. So stunning, you see double. Through hard, sweaty […]