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Arise, Sir David — and show us your legs

Posted by in commentary, masculinity, metrosexual, sport

The Times of London argues, in a lengthy and quite ser­i­ous piece by Matthew Syed, that David Beckham deserves a knight­hood not so much for being a great foot­baller but rather for being ‘the prime cata­lyst in the met­ro­sexual revolu­tion.’ So Becks deserves to be awar­ded the highest hon­our in the land and made a Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter for preen­ing, pos­ing, and sym­bol­ic­ally wav­ing his legs in the air and show­ing an entire gen­er­a­tion how to wave their legs in the air too? Seems fair…read more

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England’s new sporno kit sensation

Posted by in commentary, fashion, masculinity, sporno, sport

The new England rugby strip, launched for this year’s World Cup, some­how man­ages to be even tighter than the last, launched just four years ago to massed gasps. Are our lads going to be able to breath in? Are we going to be able to breathe out? What’s more, it has an added sash/arrow plunging from armpit down to large, firm thigh, as demon­strated by the very lovely young David Strettle, pic­tured left (snapped dan­cing on a spot­lit podium at Heaven nightclub). Is it just me, or does it seem…read more

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Sulking caused England’s World Cup meltdown

Posted by in sport

It’s offi­cial: foot­ballers really are Spice Girls now. According to this report, it seems our lads’ dis­astrous World Cup per­form­ance was caused by the green eyed god­dess.  Apparently they were upset that their cap­tain David Beckham was get­ting all the atten­tion — they were so dis­tressed by this ter­rible injustice that they for­got to play foot­ball.  For their coun­try. Admittedly, thirty-something Becks is a little mutton-dressed-as-lamb now.   Especially com­pared to some of the other tarty young(er) bucks on the England squad.  Fabulous Frankie ‘Legs’ Lampard, for instance, is more appet­isi­ing, more edible, more melt-in-the-mouth, more pop-tastic. …read more

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England’s cricketers in snogging shocker!

Posted by in masculinity, sporno, sport

Yesterday’s Daily Mirror, Britain’s second most pop­u­lar news­pa­per, and sup­posedly the ‘pro­gress­ive’ tab com­pared to The Sun, car­ried a spe­cial treat for its read­ers. On the front page of this­fam­ily paper was a pic­ture of hunky England crick­eters Jon Lewis and Jimmy Anderson mov­ing in for a tasty tongue sand­wich. The huge head­line shrieked ‘CAUGHT’ while the tan­tal­ising bold strap­line below the image announced with his­toric sign­fic­ance: ‘England World Cup Cricketers’ night of shame.’ This just gets hot­ter and hot­ter! God Bless the British tabs! They really know how to work up…read more

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Beckham the virus goes to Hollywood

Posted by in commentary, masculinity, metrosexual, sporno, sport

So Beckham, the über-metrosexual, the phở­to­genic English ath­lete who trans­figured him­self from mere pro­fes­sional soc­cer player into global me-dia, is leav­ing Real Madrid Football Club, his home for the past three years, and is now head­ing for the City of Signs. Beckham became a Hollywood foot­baller years ago (around about the time of ‘Beckham the virus’, pos­ted below).  Certainly his bosses at Real Madrid seem to have found Becks more style than sub­stance. But in a met­ro­sexu­al­ised world style is almost everything now.  Even and espe­cially in the world of men’s sports. This is why…read more

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We’re Better at Everything, Mate: Australia’s Sports Complex

Posted by in commentary, journalism, masculinity, review, sport

By Mark Simpson, Independent on Sunday (December 3, 2006) We all know that Australians are bet­ter than us. Better look­ing, bet­ter at sport, bet­ter at party­ing, bet­ter at sex, bet­ter at real­ity TV shows. Mostly because they told us so. Very loudly. Little won­der recent Government fig­ures showed half the pop­u­la­tion of the UK is giv­ing up on Britain and mov­ing to Australia – while the other half is try­ing to become Australian by watch­ing Neighbours or Kath and Kim or by wear­ing shorts and flip flops and drink­ing lager until…read more

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Sporno wins the World Cup

Posted by in advertising, bisexuality, commentary, metrosexual, porn, sporno, sport

  You might think that it was Italy’s greater ball-skills or stam­ina or team-spirit that won them the World Cup in the final against France last night. But you’d be wrong. Cleary, indubit­ably — as the pic­tures ‘expli­citly’ show - what won it for the Italians was not so much their sport­ing spirt as their sporno spirit.  Earlier this year some play­ers from the Italian team recruited Dolce & Gabbana (or was it the other way around?) to pro­duce a spor­no­graphic fash­ion shoot of them all oiled up and ready for action in the locker-room.  In hind­sight…read more

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Ronaldo says ‘sorry’ to Rooney — and swallows his pride

Posted by in commentary, gay, masculinity, popular culture, porn, sporno, sport

If a pic­ture can paint a thou­sand words then why can’t I paint Roo?’ Someone today kindly emailed me this pic­ture of Ronaldo ‘mak­ing up’ with Manchester United team-mate Roo after the World Cup hissy fit.  I’m not sure whether the old cliché is always true but spor­no­graphic images are always more elo­quent - or just hot­ter - than words.  Certainly it renders yesterday’s post­ing some­what redund­ant.  And it makes me warm all over to think that Ronaldo can put that big, pout­ing, ref-pestering Portugese gob of his to a use­ful, paci­fy­ing pur­pose (defus­ing the boner Roo had…read more

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That’s Roo-d! Eurotwink Ronaldo meets scallyboy Rooney and has a sore time of it

Posted by in commentary, gay, masculinity, porn, sporno, sport

Does England and Manchester United foot­baller Wayne Rooney (in the white) read Out on the sly, per­haps hid­den inside a copy of Zoo?  He seems to be tak­ing ‘Sporno’ to new extremes. British tabloid The Sun claims today that bit-of-rough Roo has con­fided in ‘talks with pals’ ‘over break­fast’ that ‘pretty boy’ Manchester United team mate Christiano Ronaldo has finally tor­men­ted the scouse scally­boy too much.  I know how he feels. A frus­trated Wayne is now sup­posedly vow­ing to ‘split him in two’ next time they meet in the locker rooms of Old Trafford. The Sun describes…read more

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Sporno: where sport and porn meet and produce a spectacular money shot

Posted by in advertising, article, bisexuality, commentary, journalism, masculinity, metrosexual, popular culture, porn, sporno, sport

Just in time for the World Cup the July issue of the re-launched OUT fea­tures an essay by yours truly on the post-metrosexual pornoliz­a­tion of sport — or what I dub ‘sporno’.  Here’s a (breath­less) taster: ‘Sportsmen on this side of the Atlantic are increas­ingly openly acknow­ledging and flirt­ing with their gay fans, à la David Beckham and Freddie Ljunberg (the man who actu­ally looks the way Beckham thinks he looks). Both these thor­ough­breds have posed for spreads in gay magazines and both have wel­comed the atten­tion of gay fans…read more

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