Category Archives: sport

Why The Sun Can’t Leave Ronaldo’s Legs Alone

Ere, Ron, The Sun’s just texted me. They want to know if you’ve got any smal­ler shorts.” Britain’s best-selling news­pa­per The Sun has been work­ing itself into a con­fused lather about our met­ro­sexual foot­ballers, again. Like me, it just can’t leave them alone. In a long, hand-wringing — and graph­ic­ally illus­trated — art­icle spread over the […]

Naked Rugger Buggers Buggering About

The New Zeeland and South African Rugby teams made the news this week with their nude rugby match on St Kilda beach. (UPDATE: In fact, the NY Daily News story cited here appears to have got a little over­ex­cited: the play­ers were NOT from the All Blacks and the Boks but local ama­teur play­ers tak­ing part in […]

Ultimate Pillowbiting — How Gay is MMA?

This month’s Out magazine includes a fea­ture by yours truly on my visit to Montréal in April to see the biggest, bad­dest, ball­si­est Ultimate Fighting Championship event ever. UFC, for those who aren’t in the know, or unac­count­ably unin­ter­ested in see­ing fit, near-naked men grap­pling and grunt­ing, is the cage-fighting craze that is rap­idly becoming […]

Fluffy Ideology: The Cold War With Cuddly Toys

Mark Simpson on the Cold War with Cuddly Toys (Arena Hommes Plus, Spring 2008) The titanic Superpower con­front­a­tion of the early 1980s between the Soviet Union and the United States saw the deploy­ment of sev­eral new and ter­ri­fy­ing stra­tegic weapons sys­tems, includ­ing Cruise Missiles, Pershings, SS-20s, B1 Bombers, and SDI/Star Wars. But undoubtedly the most […]

Size Hero: How Steroids & Muscle Marys Conquered the World

Mark Simpson on how ster­oids got into our blood­stream and changed the shape of mas­culin­ity (Guardian CIF, 6 Dec, 2007) ‘Roids may sound as Eighties as Cher’s black-lace bod­ice. But they’re baaak, even big­ger and bustier than ever. According to a series of recent reports, ster­oids, or ‘juice’ or ‘gear’ to the ini­ti­ated, once an exotic drug […]

Ricky Hatton: ‘I have a fantastic bum’

Today’s Sun car­ries an inter­view with England’s tasty pocket-rocket Ricky Hatton about his upcom­ing fight in Vegas this Saturday with World wel­ter­weight title holder Floyd Mayweather. ‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather was in the news last week for say­ing to Ricky: ‘I wish I was in prison with you. I’d make you my bitch.’ ‘Having another boxer threatening […]

I Wanna Hold Your Hand: Touchy-Feely Footballers

By Mark Simpson (Guardian CIF, 30/11/07) In an age of broad­band hard­core it’s rather sweet to dis­cover that men are still so eas­ily aroused. At least, that is, foot­ball fans and tabloid journ­al­ists. A little inno­cent hand-holding by Liverpool FC dur­ing a team-building train­ing ses­sion before their cru­cial Champions League match with Porto worked the […]

Ricky’s My Bitch!’ Boxing Gets Spornographic

Boxing’s trash talk just got trash­ier — and highly spor­no­graphic. According to huge head­lines in Britain’s most pop­u­lar news­pa­per the Sun, big black American Welterweight cham­pion Floyd Mayweather has announced that he wants to make England’s white scally Manc boxer Ricky Hatton his ‘Prison Bitch’. ‘He said he wanted to buttf**k me’ com­plained little Ricky, […]

Rugby students study sporno

It’s rumoured that some mem­bers of the ‘rugby com­munity’ com­plained about the white-hot 2007 Dieux du Stade cal­en­dar (phở­to­graphed by the stun­ningly tal­en­ted Mariano Vivanco) going ‘too far’ and being ‘too gay’. Which would sug­gest that some rugby fans are very, very stu­pid. What on earth do they think the long-established DDS is for if […]

Rugger Buggers & Swinging Dicks

In the Middle Ages, sod­omy was thought to be caused not by hair whorls, but by drunke­ness. As this spor­no­graphic clip shows, they were abso­lutely right. The post-match beery bond­ing of the lovely lads of Sandbach RUFC — which, be warned, includes very male nud­ity, heavy pet­ting and male-on-male snog­ging — made me feel faint […]