Category Archives: sport

Naked Rugger Buggers Buggering About

The New Zeeland and South African Rugby teams made the news this week with their nude rugby match on St Kilda beach. (UPDATE: In fact, the NY Daily News story cited here appears to have got a little overexcited: the players were NOT from the All Blacks and the Boks but local amateur players taking part in …

July 15, 2008 – 8:32 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in sporno, sport | Tagged , , , | Comments (5)

Ultimate Pillowbiting — How Gay is MMA?

This month’s Out magazine includes a feature by yours truly on my visit to Montreal in April to see the biggest, baddest, ballsiest Ultimate Fighting Championship event ever. UFC, for those who aren’t in the know, or unaccountably uninterested in seeing fit, near-naked men grappling and grunting, is the cage-fighting craze that is rapidly becoming …

July 15, 2008 – 2:44 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in article, bisexuality, journalism, masculinity, popular culture, sporno, sport | Tagged , , , | Comments (16)

Fluffy Ideology: The Cold War With Cuddly Toys

Mark Simpson on the Cold War with Cuddly Toys (Arena Hommes Plus, Spring 2008) The titanic Superpower confrontation of the early 1980s between the Soviet Union and the United States saw the deployment of several new and terrifying strategic weapons systems, including Cruise Missiles, Pershings, SS-20s, B1 Bombers, and SDI/Star Wars. But undoubtedly the most …

April 12, 2008 – 3:03 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in article, commentary, journalism, sport | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off

Size Hero: How Steroid Muscle Marys Conquered the World

Mark Simpson on how steroids got into our bloodstream and changed the shape of masculinity (Guardian CIF, 6 Dec, 2007) ‘Roids may sound as Eighties as Cher’s black-lace bodice. But they’re baaak, even bigger and bustier than ever. According to a series of recent reports, steroids, or ‘juice’ or ‘gear’ to the initiated, once an exotic drug …

December 6, 2007 – 3:26 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, metrosexual, sport, working class | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (10)

Ricky Hatton: ‘I have a fantastic bum’

Today’s Sun carries an interview with England’s tasty pocket-rocket Ricky Hatton about his upcoming fight in Vegas this Saturday with World welterweight title holder Floyd Mayweather. ‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather was in the news last week for saying to Ricky: ‘I wish I was in prison with you. I’d make you my bitch.’ ‘Having another boxer threatening …

December 3, 2007 – 5:58 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in sporno, sport | Tagged , , , | Comments (3)

I Wanna Hold Your Hand: Touchy-Feely Footballers

By Mark Simpson (Guardian CIF, 30/11/07) In an age of broadband hardcore it’s rather sweet to discover that men are still so easily aroused. At least, that is, football fans and tabloid journalists. A little innocent hand-holding by Liverpool FC during a team-building training session before their crucial Champions League match with Porto worked the …

November 30, 2007 – 6:13 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in metrosexual, retrosexual, sport | Tagged , , , , | Comments (1)

‘Ricky’s My Bitch!’ Boxing Gets Spornographic

Boxing’s trash talk just got trashier — and highly spornographic. According to huge headlines in Britain’s most popular newspaper the Sun, big black American Welterweight champion Floyd Mayweather has announced that he wants to make England’s white scally Manc boxer Ricky Hatton his ‘Prison Bitch’. ‘He said he wanted to buttf**k me’ complained little Ricky, …

November 27, 2007 – 1:22 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in sporno, sport | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)

Rugby students study sporno

It’s rumoured that some members of the ‘rugby community’ complained about the white-hot 2007 Dieux du Stade calendar (photographed by the stunningly talented Mariano Vivanco) going ‘too far’ and being ‘too gay’. Which would suggest that some rugby fans are very, very stupid. What on earth do they think the long-established DDS is for if …

September 7, 2007 – 3:17 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, sporno, sport | Comments (4)

Rugger Buggers and Swinging Dicks

In the Middle Ages, sodomy was thought to be caused not by hair whorls, but by drunkeness. As this spornographic clip shows, they were absolutely right. The post-match beery bonding of the lovely lads of Sandbach RUFC — which, be warned, includes very male nudity, heavy petting and male-on-male snogging — made me feel faint …

July 18, 2007 – 3:46 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, masculinity, Phalliban, sporno, sport | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (26)

Arise, Sir David — and show us your legs

The Times of London argues, in a lengthy and quite serious piece by Matthew Syed, that David Beckham deserves a knighthood not so much for being a great footballer but rather for being ‘the prime catalyst in the metrosexual revolution.’ So Becks deserves to be awarded the highest honour in the land and made a …

June 29, 2007 – 12:05 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, masculinity, metrosexual, sport | Comments (1)