Tag Archives: Armani

David Beckham’s ‘End Result’ — Can You Handle It?

Better order some industrial strength lip balm and practise suppressing the gag reflex. Shameless sporno star and uber-metrosexual David Beckham is ramming his eye-popping lunchbox down our collective throats again. This time with a media ‘offensive’ for his own line of men’s undies – and strangely shapeless vests – from Swedish-owned high street fashion chain …

January 4, 2012 – 3:44 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in Beckham, fashion, metrosexual, metrosexy | Tagged , , , | Comments (5)

Nadal Strips and Bends Over in the Lift For Armani

Thank heavens American feminists leafing through dusty back issues of Rolling Stone magazine have scientifically proven that men aren’t being ‘sexualised’ the way that women are. Otherwise I would have got entirely the wrong idea watching this ad and the way the camera gropes Nadal in the grimy lift. Tip: Paolo

October 16, 2011 – 8:36 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in advertising, sporno | Tagged , , , , | Comments (5)

Nadal Hammered Into Sexy, Slippery Pieces in Armani Vid

As if the tarty Armani poster of Rafael Nadal offering his arse to the world wasn’t slutty enough. Along comes the sporno video. The tennis ace is being shoved up against the (unplastered) wall and then thrown down and hammered on the builder’s bench. Twice. By the camera. Which chops up his body into sexy, slippery …

March 14, 2011 – 1:47 am | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, masculinity, media, metrosexual | Tagged , , , | Comments (7)

Tarty Armani’s Latest Sporno Spunk

  Paolo Rumi in Milano sends this snap of Armani’s latest sporno star, tennis player Rafael Nadal, kindly offering his giant but pertly athletic arse to passers by in Armani’s home-town. In the early Noughties I described the exhibitionism of metrosexuality as ‘literally asking to be fucked’. I’m sure people thought I was being absurd …

March 6, 2011 – 3:19 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in advertising, metrosexual, sporno | Tagged , , , , | Comments (17)

Cristiano Can’t Find His Shirt — But Always Knows Where the Camera Is

Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest for Armani shows him looking — not too hard — for his t-shirt.  Do you remember when maids rather than footballers were treated as sex-objects?  No?  OK, I must be getting very old indeed.  But of course this tradition is what the ad is playing on — the reversal, or reflection/refraction, of …

September 17, 2010 – 1:15 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in advertising, metrosexual, sporno | Tagged , | Comments (8)

Sporno

Mark Simpson on how sport and porn got into bed with one another — while D&G and Mr Armani took pictures.… (Out magazine, May 2006; expanded for The V&A’s ‘Fashion V Sport’ catalogue, June 2008.) You might think that it was Italy’s greater ball skills, or stamina, or team spirit that won them the 2006 football …

April 17, 2010 – 3:18 am | By Mark Simpson | Posted in sporno | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (43)

David Beckham’s Package: Don’t Handle The Goods, Madam

After all those ads in which Becks thrusted his giant Armani wrapped package in our faces if not down our throats, an Italian satirical TV show decided to do a little consumer product testing.  You know that in Italy they like to handle the sausage and tomatoes — and haggle over the price — before …

January 21, 2010 – 5:31 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in Beckham, commentary, masculinity, popular culture | Tagged , , , | Comments (35)

Cristiano Ronaldo Grabs David Beckham’s Bulging Underwear

My congratulations go to Cristiano Ronaldo, who once again is stepping into Beck’s pricey shoes – and briefs. Ronaldo has just been named Armani’s new international ‘spokesmodel’. (Presumably his legs and packet are going to do all the talking.) Poor Becks, Mr Armani’s previous sporno star, discarded by his Italian designer sugar daddy like yesterday’s trade, unpopular …

October 14, 2009 – 12:29 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in metrosexual, sporno | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (4)

Becks’ Bulge Begins Boyzilian Boom

Beck’s ‘tidy’ Armani underwear ads have generated a craze for male waxing, according to the Guardian: All over the country more and more men (gay and straight alike) are marching into beauty salons and demanding a “Boyzilian”, or as one Yorkshire-based salon bills it, “the Full Monty”. In other words, the complete or near-complete removal …

January 28, 2008 – 8:31 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in Beckham, metrosexual | Tagged , , , | Comments (5)