Tag Archives: Armani

David Beckham’s ‘End Result’ — Can You Handle It?

Better order some indus­trial strength lip balm and prac­tise sup­press­ing the gag reflex. Shameless sporno star and über-metrosexual David Beckham is ram­ming his eye-popping lunch­box down our col­lect­ive throats again. This time with a media ‘offens­ive’ for his own line of men’s undies – and strangely shape­less vests – from Swedish-owned high street fash­ion chain […]

Nadal Strips and Bends Over in the Lift For Armani

Thank heav­ens American fem­in­ists leaf­ing through dusty back issues of Rolling Stone magazine have sci­en­tific­ally proven that men aren’t being ‘sexu­al­ised’ the way that women are. Otherwise I would have got entirely the wrong idea watch­ing this ad and the way the cam­era gropes Nadal in the grimy lift. Tip: Paolo

Nadal Hammered Into Sexy, Slippery Pieces by Armani

As if the tarty Armani poster of Rafael Nadal offer­ing his arse to the world wasn’t slutty enough. Along comes the sporno video. The ten­nis ace is being shoved up against the (unplastered) wall and then thrown down and hammered on the builder’s bench. Twice. By the cam­era. Which chops up his body into sexy, slippery […]

Tarty Armani’s Latest Sporno Spunk

Paolo Rumi in Milano sends this snap of Armani’s latest sporno star, ten­nis player Rafael Nadal, kindly offer­ing his giant but pertly ath­letic arse to pass­ers by in Armani’s homet­own. In the early Noughties I described the exhib­i­tion­ism of met­ro­sexu­al­ity as ‘lit­er­ally ask­ing to be fucked’. I’m sure people thought I was being absurd and […]

Cristiano Can’t Find His Shirt — But Always Knows Where the Camera Is

Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest for Armani shows him look­ing — not too hard — for his t-shirt.  Do you remem­ber when maids rather than foot­ballers were treated as sex-objects?  No?  OK, I must be get­ting very old indeed.  But of course this tra­di­tion is what the ad is play­ing on — the reversal, or reflection/refraction, of […]


Mark Simpson on how sport and porn got into bed — while D&G and Mr Armani took pic­tures.… (Out magazine, May 2006; expan­ded for The V&A’s ‘Fashion V Sport’ cata­logue, June 2008. Also col­lec­ted in ‘Metrosexy’) You might think that it was Italy’s greater ball skills, or stam­ina, or team spirit that won them the […]

David Beckham’s Package: Don’t Handle The Goods, Madam

After all those ads in which Becks thrus­ted his giant Armani wrapped pack­age in our faces if not down our throats, an Italian satir­ical TV show decided to do a little con­sumer product test­ing.  You know that in Italy they like to handle the saus­age and toma­toes — and haggle over the price — before […]

Cristiano Ronaldo Grabs David Beckham’s Bulging Underwear

My con­grat­u­la­tions go to Cristiano Ronaldo, who once again is step­ping into Beck’s pricey shoes – and briefs. Ronaldo has just been named Armani’s new inter­na­tional ‘spokes­model’. (Presumably his legs and packet are going to do all the talk­ing.) Poor Becks, Mr Armani’s pre­vi­ous sporno star, dis­carded by his Italian designer sugar daddy like yesterday’s trade, unpopular […]

Becks’ Bulge Begins Boyzilian Boom

Beck’s ‘tidy’ Armani under­wear ads have gen­er­ated a craze for male wax­ing, accord­ing to the Guardian: All over the coun­try more and more men (gay and straight alike) are march­ing into beauty salons and demand­ing a “Boyzilian”, or as one Yorkshire-based salon bills it, “the Full Monty”. In other words, the com­plete or near-complete removal […]