David Beckham’s ‘End Result’ – Can You Handle It?

Better order some industrial strength lip balm and practise suppressing the gag reflex. Shameless sporno star and uber-metrosexual David Beckham is ramming his eye-popping lunchbox down our collective throats again. This time with a media ‘offensive’ for his own line of men’s undies – and strangely shapeless vests – from Swedish-owned high street fashion chain […]

Nadal Strips and Bends Over in the Lift For Armani

Thank heavens American feminists leafing through dusty back issues of Rolling Stone magazine have scientifically proven that men aren’t being ‘sexualised’ the way that women are. Otherwise I would have got entirely the wrong idea watching this ad and the way the camera gropes Nadal in the grimy lift. Tip: Paolo

Nadal Hammered Into Sexy, Slippery Pieces by Armani

As if the tarty Armani poster of Rafael Nadal offering his arse to the world wasn’t slutty enough. Along comes the sporno video. The tennis ace is being shoved up against the (unplastered) wall and then thrown down and hammered on the builder’s bench. Twice. By the camera. Which chops up his body into sexy, slippery […]

Armani Rafael

Tarty Armani’s Latest Sporno Spunk

Paolo Rumi in Milano sends this snap of Armani’s latest sporno star, tennis player Rafael Nadal, kindly offering his giant but pertly athletic arse to passers by in Armani’s home town. In the early Naughties I described the exhibitionism of metrosexuality as ‘literally asking to be fucked’. I’m sure people thought I was being absurd […]

Cristiano Can’t Find His Shirt – But Always Knows Where the Camera Is

Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest for Armani shows him looking – not too hard – for his t-shirt.  Do you remember when maids rather than footballers were treated as sex-objects?  No?  OK, I must be getting very old indeed.  But of course this tradition is what the ad is playing on – the reversal, or reflection/refraction, of […]



Mark Simpson on how sport and porn got into bed – while D&G and Mr Armani took pictures…. (Out magazine, May 2006; expanded for The V&A’s ‘Fashion V Sport’ catalogue, June 2008. Also collected in ‘Metrosexy‘) You might think that it was Italy’s greater ball skills, or stamina, or team spirit that won them the […]

David Beckham’s Package: Don’t Handle The Goods, Madam

After all those ads in which Becks thrusted his giant Armani wrapped package in our faces if not down our throats, an Italian satirical TV show decided to do a little consumer product testing.  You know that in Italy they like to handle the sausage and tomatoes – and haggle over the price – before […]