Tag Archives: Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Can’t Find His Shirt — But Always Knows Where the Camera Is

Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest for Armani shows him looking — not too hard — for his t-shirt.  Do you remember when maids rather than footballers were treated as sex-objects?  No?  OK, I must be getting very old indeed.  But of course this tradition is what the ad is playing on — the reversal, or reflection/refraction, of …

September 17, 2010 – 1:15 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in advertising, metrosexual, sporno | Tagged , | Comments (8)

The Press Still Love-Hates ‘Twinkletoes’ Ronaldo So

Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest fashion foible, painted toe-nails has provoked the usual bitchy, mocking response that is attached to anything Ronaldo in the Anglo media. Despite — or perhaps because of — the way they seem to regard him as a sure-fire way of selling newspapers. The announcement of the birth of his son by a …

July 12, 2010 – 12:53 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, metrosexual, sport | Tagged , , | Comments (14)

David Beckham’s Package: Don’t Handle The Goods, Madam

After all those ads in which Becks thrusted his giant Armani wrapped package in our faces if not down our throats, an Italian satirical TV show decided to do a little consumer product testing.  You know that in Italy they like to handle the sausage and tomatoes — and haggle over the price — before …

January 21, 2010 – 5:31 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in Beckham, commentary, masculinity, popular culture | Tagged , , , | Comments (35)

Cristiano Ronaldo Grabs David Beckham’s Bulging Underwear

My congratulations go to Cristiano Ronaldo, who once again is stepping into Beck’s pricey shoes – and briefs. Ronaldo has just been named Armani’s new international ‘spokesmodel’. (Presumably his legs and packet are going to do all the talking.) Poor Becks, Mr Armani’s previous sporno star, discarded by his Italian designer sugar daddy like yesterday’s trade, unpopular …

October 14, 2009 – 12:29 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in metrosexual, sporno | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (4)

We Loved You Really, Ronaldo

By Mark Simpson Cristiano Ronaldo, one of the best footballers ever to play in this country, and one of the best looking, brought out the worst in the English. He prickled you see, our ugly, mean-minded, spiteful, spitting jealousy. We were jealous of his talent, his looks, his body, his youth, his money and most …

June 12, 2009 – 1:32 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, masculinity, metrosexual, sport | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (23)

Why The Sun Can’t Leave Ronaldo’s Legs Alone

“Ere, Ron, The Sun’s just texted me. They want to know if you’ve got any smaller shorts.” Britain’s best-selling newspaper The Sun has been working itself into a confused lather about our metrosexual footballers, again. Like me, it just can’t leave them alone. In a long, hand-wringing — and graphically illustrated — article spread over the …

July 29, 2008 – 1:28 pm | By Mark Simpson | Posted in commentary, masculinity, metrosexual, sport | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (10)

Sporno: where sport and porn meet and produce a spectacular money shot

Just in time for the World Cup the July issue of the re-launched OUT features an essay by yours truly on the post-metrosexual pornolization of sport — or what I dub ‘sporno’.  Here’s a (breathless) taster: ‘Sportsmen on this side of the Atlantic are increasingly openly acknowledging and flirting with their gay fans, a la …

June 20, 2006 – 11:37 am | By Mark Simpson | Posted in advertising, article, bisexuality, commentary, journalism, masculinity, metrosexual, popular culture, porn, sporno, sport | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (13)