Mikey Strokes His Pussy (For Charidee)

Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino is looking pumped in this jokey-but-serious poster for PETA, encouraging cat owners to get their cats neutered. ‘The Occasional Table’ – as his fellow housemate Julian Clary hilariously dubbed him – looks rather more pumped than he did on Celebrity Big Brother this Summer, where he seemed very ‘off season’, spotty and almost skinny (all things are relative). Perhaps that’s why he almost never took his shirt off – which you’d think would violate his booking contract. In eye-candy terms Mikey was […]

Let me Hear Your Body Talk

Are men the new women? I’ve always avoided using that line until now. As the (hetero)sexual division of labour and loving and looking continues to fall apart, men are the new everything. Just as women are. But in the last few months we’ve been told men now take longer getting ready than women, mercifully deleting at a stroke most of the material of stand-ups like John Bishop. We’ve also been told that gents are more likely to take travel irons, hairdryers and straighteners on holiday […]

“When You Gotta Big Dick, You Don’t Gotta Do Nothin!”

Mike De Luca (played with sweaty verve by Jordan Nice) is an unemployed, rather lazy young Italian-American chap living in blue-collar, post-industrial Philly who decides to go with the metrosexy times and make his fame and fortune by turning his manhood into cash. Whipping it out on webcam for the punters, male and female. In his Ma’s front room. As he puts it in a catch-phrase even more salient and wise than ‘Gym. Tan. Laundry’: “When you gotta big dick, you don’t gotta do nothin! […]

The North East Has a Situation: Geordie Shore

Last week I found myself chatting between sets, as you do, to a young, buff, absurdly attractive straight lad in a gym in the North East of England. He told me wanted to move to Miami. Why Miami? I asked. ‘I wanna be in Jersey Shore!’ he said, (which, confusingly, is now set in Miami). ‘It’s fookin’ great!!’ But now the lad — who would give Mikey ‘Situation’ Sorrentino more than a run for his protein shakes — doesn’t need to move at all. Because […]

20 ‘Stella’ Years of Dolce & Gabbana For Men

by Mark Simpson, Arena Hommes Plus (Winter-Spring, 2010) America’s hottest new Hollywood stars – who naturally enough in this post-Hollywood era, don’t actually work in Hollywood but reality TV – were recently honoured with a profile in Interview magazine. The Italian-American ‘Guidos’ from MTV mega-hit ‘Jersey Shore’, who have conquered America with their brazenness and their Gym Tan Laundry routine, were styled in Dolce & Gabbana. Suddenly, they looked as if they had come home. After all, these twenty-something earthy but flamboyant, self-assured but needy […]

The Metrosexual Noughties

Amidst the swathe of drearily predictable ‘decade  in review’ pieces that appeared at the end of December this one by Amanda Hess at The Sexist stood out as one which actually managed to offer some observational cultural insight, rather than just recycled cuttings and cliches: Think boys are simply born into their masculine gender role? Consider, for a moment, how quickly the cultural norms of acceptable maleness can change. The past decade of masculine fads saw cultural expressions of manliness range from finely-groomed boy bands […]