Charlie Brooker’s Anxious Anus

Middle class metrophobia keeps rearing its ugly, anxious head and leaving a really bad smell in the air. Maybe it’s because some middle class men are happier pretending that they don’t have bodies, just giant self-propelled brains (that are always right), but men’s new-found desire to be desired and the attendant rampant sexualisation of the male body in the media seems to literally scare the shit out of a few of them. ‘The world’s leading liberal voice’ this week ran two curiously metrophobic articles in […]

Guardian Gives Shane Warne a Kicking – For His Own Good

You may remember that a few weeks back Metrodaddy was moved to defend the new, svelte Shane Warne from a metrophobic kicking by the British press. Even though his look isn’t really working for me. It seems I may have to do it again. The Guardian — ‘the world’s leading liberal voice’ — has finally got around to putting the caring, liberal boot in too, with a piece by Hadley Freeman titled ‘What’s Up With Shane Warne?’ But the Graun being the Graun it can’t just have […]

We Loved You Really, Ronaldo

By Mark Simpson (collected in Metrosexy) Cristiano Ronaldo, one of the best footballers ever to play in this country – and one of the best looking – brought out the worst in the English. He prickled you see, our ugly, mean-minded, spiteful, spitting jealousy. We were jealous of his talent, his looks, his body, his youth, his money and most of all of his total lack of interest in what the English media and terrace culture thought of him and his dress sense and the […]