Top Gun Turns Thirty – How Did It Get So Gay?

by Mark Simpson (Originally published in the Daily Telegraph May 12, 2016) 30-years ago today, the stars of Top Gun were taxiing  the red carpet at the premiere in New York. The film, which features Tom Cruise’s ‘Maverick’ and Val Kilmer’s ‘Iceman’ wrestling in the air for Alpha male supremacy, was abou t to ‘go ballistic’ and smash multiple box office records. In […]


‘Male Impersonators’ Gets Digitally Dressed Up: now available on Kindle

Tom Cruise is reportedly working on a script for a sequel to Top Gun. In case he’s mislaid his well-thumbed original copy of Male Impersonators: Men Performing Masculinity, the book that outed the flaming queerness of the original movie, he needn’t worry. Tom can now download it in an instant as a Kindle eBook, in […]


The Gayness of Top Gun: Feel The Need

Frankly, we could watch a few more hours of Baldwin chewing the scenery as Pacino and Hader flabbergasted that the producers don’t understand how “gay” their script is: “I say, ‘Ice Man’s on my tail, he’s coming hard.’ I literally said that to a bathroom attendant last night.” Curious how, twenty five years on from […]

Mission Impossible 4: The Fuhrer’s Trousers

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to blow up the Twentieth Century’s most infamous evil genius in his heavily fortified bunker in the East, escape alive and then fly back to Berlin where you will lead a coup, negotiate an armistice with the Allies and save Germany from total destruction and eternal […]

Matt Damon: Sexy or Twaspy?

Matt Damon is the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’, according to People magazine. Perhaps it’s time to cruise the graveyard. I don’t mean to be cruel — honest — but Matt is preppy, not sexy. The two things are not necessarily antagonistic, granted. But in Matt they are. Yes, I know, it’s ‘all a matter of taste’. […]

America – meet David Beckham

(The Guardian, 13 July, 2007) America, meet David Beckham. America, meet The Metrosexual. You’re going to be seeing even more of both. As most of the world already knows, today Becks is proudly ‘unveiled’ by LA Galaxy on their home turf. Brand Becks, the ultimate metrosexual who transformed himself from a talented professional soccer-player with […]

Beckham the Virus (Goes To Hollywood)

So David Beckham, the uber-metrosexual, the photogenic English athlete who transfigured himself from mere professional soccer player into global me-dia, is leaving Real Madrid Football Club, his home for the past three years, and is now heading for the City of Signs. Beckham became a Hollywood footballer years ago (around about the time of my essay ‘Beckham the Virus’, […]