‘Living Icons’

Morrissey is one of the three finalists in BBC2’s ‘Living Icon’ middle-class popularity contest. He’s up against David hush-we-don’t-want-to-frighten-the-gorillas Attenborough and Sir Paul twist-and-shout McCartney. Now, all such contests are silly by definition, even and perhaps especially when they appear on BBC2.  But given the strategic use of the word ‘icon’ I think it needs to be pointed out that the competition is already over as only one of the finalists actually meets the competition’s stated criteria. David Attenborough is a lovely chap that has […]

Keane Fury Over Roasting Romp

I don’t blame Keane for being furious. I’m positively seething myself that no one invited me either. ‘Stars in sick orgy’ (strapline to the print version – doesn’t appear online) Another example of how sporno is fast becoming porno – or is porno becoming sporno? Tabloid newspapers in the UK can’t get enough of these faux-outraged ‘roasting’ stories about the ‘scandal’, ‘disgrace’ and ‘sickness’ of several fit young professional footballers sharing one consenting ‘busty female fan’, simultaneously. Illustrated, if possible – as in this case […]

We’re Better at Everything, Mate: Australia’s Sports Complex

By Mark Simpson, Independent on Sunday (December 3, 2006) We all know that Australians are better than us. Better looking, better at sport, better at partying, better at sex, better at reality TV shows. Mostly because they told us so. Very loudly. Little wonder recent Government figures showed half the population of the UK is giving up on Britain and moving to Australia – while the other half is trying to become Australian by watching Neighbours or Kath and Kim or by wearing shorts and […]

A Little Bit of Give & Take

Mark Simpson sees Take That eaten alive at Wembley Arena Originally appeared in Attitude magazine, October 1994 and collected in It’s a Queer World IN GREEK MYTHOLOGY, Maenads were “frenzied women worshippers of Bacchus” who were inclined to “rend to pieces” unfortunate men who passed their way. They were known by their unearthly shrieking howl and wail – often the last thing a man might hear. Tonight the ancient noise floods the auditorium and makes my knees knock. Tonight a cyclone of screaming, whistling, whirling […]

Sporno gets even more spornographic

Ooo-la-la! The 2007 Dieux du Stade calendar is upon us and it seems to be even naughtier, even saucier — and somehow even more graphic — than last year’s. How do they do that? Without actually using those rugby balls as sex toys instead of just holding them that way? Even I — even I — hesitate to reproduce some of the more explicit locker-room snaps — so you’ll have to visit the link for the full sauce. How long before sporno becomes just porno? […]

Bashing Bond’s Blond Bollocks

I finally saw the new Bond film starring the new Bond Daniel Craig last night (my OUT essay was written sight unseen – winging it entirely by the seat of Craig’s pants). The new Bond delivered.  Some (swooningly subjective) observations: Bond is now the ‘Bond Girl’ of the opening credits. It’s his silhouette we see – and nary a dancing naked babe in sight. Perhaps to compensate for this, in the actual film he gets his tits out a lot. He emerges from the sea […]