In case you thought I was joking when I wrote about the gentlemen of the British press being unable to leave George Michael’s penis alone, today’s Sun newspaper, twisted sister tabloid to the News of the World scandal sheet that ran the original front page Hampstead Heath expose, provides further, lurid proof of the seriousness of their passionate fascination.
In a torrid piece snappily titled ‘Are there no depths George won’t plumb in pursuit of lust?’ by Kelvin MacKenzie, a former editor of the best-selling paper, and legendary figure in the world of tabloid newspapers, we learn that it isn’t just his penis that they can’t leave alone. It’s also his balls.
‘I can’t stand George Michael,’ MacKenzie informs us, ‘and every time he tries to laugh off another vile gay sex exploit I dislike him a little more…’
Oh, come now, the lady doth protest too much. Go on, admit it, Kelvin, you LOVE him!
MacKenzie goes on to whine at length about how he is personally affronted and disgusted by the fact that George Michael can have no-strings sex when he wants it – for free – and, even worse, that his partner doesn’t mind. All in all, it is quite insufferable, isn’t it? Well, it is if you look like Kelvin Mackenzie.
Alas, sexual jealousy can be an ugly, violent, even murderous thing. Amplifying and in fact spelling out the NOTW’s criminal incitement fantasy about Michael having ‘his throat cut’, MacKenzie writes:
‘… one day I suspect Michael will come a terrible cropper pursuing his sexuality. There are some nasty people around.’
A few paragraphs later, at the end of the piece we discover where those nasty people are. And they’re not on Hampstead Heath:
‘Personally, I’d like to give him a good kick in the balls. Unfortunately he’d probably enjoy it.’
But not as much as you do writing about his privates, Kelvin.
MacKenzie has a lot of previous in this area. He was after all the editor of The Sun during it’s ‘heyday’ in the Eighties, when it was utterly obsessed with gay men and their sex-lives and did its best to whip up hatred for homos – give them ‘a good kicking in the balls’ – and portray Aids as a ‘gay plague’ which queers richly deserved because of their promiscuity.
Because, in other words, they were having too much fun.
Plus the redtops have never forgiven wee Geo for the fact they danced to his songs and tried unsuccessfully to pull birds to them at school discos in the 80s…and then he came out as gay and they seemed poofy by proxy…and he gets way more action than they do. No wonder he is hated by them!
And how did your pal know it was George Michael if he was wearing a helmet? Is he sure it wasn’t Kelvin Mackenzie?
Zip me up before you go-go…
I have a friend who answered a contact ad, many years ago, which advertised the opportunity to have sex with a man who described himself as “Regents Park Bi”. The man turned up, wearing a motorcycle helmet, which he refused to remove during what the Sun would describe as “the sex act”.
It was, of course, George Michael.