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Mormo Missionaries

I won’t even ask the question. Nothing is sacred. Save being sexy.

A while back I wrote about Catholijism, the rather queer phenomenon of hunky priests of the Church of Rome posing for a spunky Calendar along the lines of those naughty French rugby Sporno calendars.

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Not one to be outdone, the Church of the Latter Day Saints is going one better than the Church of the Earlier, Mustier Saints and muscling in on this profanity with bigger pectorals.

Hallelujah! Here comes ‘Men on a Mission’ a saucy (if unofficial) new calendar featuring some impressively worked-out clean-cut young Mormons in various ‘spiritual’ poses. I for one am converted. Just send a couple of those lads round, topless, and I’ll sign anything. I’ll even give up tea.

Who needs caffeine when you can have this kind of divine stimulation?

Damien Mulley’s fun blog suggests dubbing this phenomona ‘Mormno’, after ‘Sporno’. Which is nice, but I suspect that’s a bit of a mouthful for most people – and not the kind they’re looking for. So perhaps drop the ‘n’ and just call it ‘Mormo’.

It’s Mormographically obvious.

Meanwhile, I’m still waiting to be knocked up. I’ve not received a single visit from those Mormon angels – even the ones who look more earthly than heavenly. My soul cries out. Is there a number you can call?

Or do you think they’ve already got me down on their ‘Beyond Salvation – Avoid! Avoid!’ list?

8 thoughts on “Mormo Missionaries”

  1. Butch Cassidy was a Mormon. Him and the Sundance Kid were on their own kind of mission.

    Low couldn’t have been kinkier in that vid if they’d put that cake in a dog bowl.

  2. Apparently, they are Mormons.

    Thanks for the fascinating insight, Paul, into Mormon attitudes towards sex. They hardly sound Christian at all….

    But is it just me, or is there not something thwarted about the mouths of these models when you look at them in close up in the video? Something that doesn’t match the perfection and seduction of their bodies? They appear to be slightly misshapen and in the wrong place, while their smiles often seem slightly frozen.

    Perhaps it’s just that homosexual fetish, but I find their recalcitrant mouths more interesting than their pliant bodies.

  3. so they are totally hot… but… we all realize that this is a joke right? these boys are not mormons… the website offers “i love mormon boys” tshirts for men….

    i doubt the mormons would actually do that

  4. Mormon Missionaries are one of the great fetish items of contemporary homosexual iconography, perhaps because the religion places such a premium both on chastity and virility. And of course the fact that they were all once potential harem masters has also contributed to this homoerotic cachet.

    Seducing a Mormon Misionary is one most potent ‘innocence corrupted’ fantasies of gay men, and also perhaps the most implausible — which is perhaps why the mawkish ‘Latter Days’ was one of the silliest movies I’ve ever seen.

    ‘Pleasure Reconciled to Virtue’: perhaps the reason why the seduction fantasy is so implausible is because Mormons neither shy away from sexuality, nor see it as undermining their piety; and unlike other western religions are just as open to female sexual expression. So far as I know Mormon women are not instructed to recall the Stations of the Cross or the Seven Sorrowful Mysteries if they find themselves enjoying their conjugal beds too much (as my mother was by some desicated nun.) Given this setting, potential homo seducers don’t stand a chance.

  5. Yikes — Gay Mormons are creepy in real life. I’ve met 2 of them in NYC and both self-identified themselves as “born and bred Mormans from Utah.” They continue to embrace the ethics of their religion when their religion will not allow them to be actively gay. Much like gay Catholics, these guys were feeling several levels of deep self-loathing. My impression is that it seems best for gay Mormans to stick with other gay Mormans.

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