Today’s Sun carries an interview with England’s tasty pocket-rocket Ricky Hatton about his upcoming fight in Vegas this Saturday with World welterweight title holder Floyd Mayweather.
‘Pretty Boy’ Mayweather was in the news last week for saying to Ricky: ‘I wish I was in prison with you. I’d make you my bitch.’
‘Having another boxer threatening to do that to me is a first,’ Ricky admitted to the Sun. ‘But’ he said (I’m guessing with a twinkle in his eye), ‘I’d like to think I have got a fantastic bum.’
From where I’m standing, Ricky, it looks like you have. And you can trust me – I’m an expert.
But, given the infuriating bagginess of the boxing shorts you like to wear (which appear to have been made with some of your nan’s spare tasselled curtains), just to confirm how fantastic it is I think a closer inspection – and a road-test – is required.
And there’s no need to worry: we don’t have to go to prison. You could just come back to mine.
PS To those writing in to tell me that Ricky’s ‘no David Beckham’, or that he’s ‘really fat’ most of the time, or that he’s ‘ugly’, please note: I’m not claiming Ricky is of major socio-cultural importance or a ‘sex god’. I just fancy him. Here’s one, sorry, two reasons why.
Judge for yourself:
I think he has a great arse – shame Mayweather knocked him onto it on Saturday.
Perhaps, all things considered, it was a mistake for Ricky to taunt him by bending over and showing his bum to Mayweather during the fight. It seems to have, er, stiffened his opponent’s resolve.
Either way, I think Ricky’s bum is champion.
And he has a face made for my pillow.
Mr Hatton’s bum probably looks much tastier than his facial rearrangement after yesterday’s fight. You can’t fault Mr Mayweather’s taste.
I did enjoy that footnote. Today’s ‘Sex Gods’ are ridiculously meek, at least there’s a number out there that still appreciate the real man and his masculinity.