I’m still in shock after watching the handover to the London Olympics in Beijing. Please tell me it was a bad dream and that on your goggle-box you saw something much less horrifying.
The Mayor of London Boris Johnson looked like he’d put on his worst suit – sorry, someone else’s worst suit – and slept in it all the way to China. Adding to his impact, he generally behaved like someone from a Home for the Terminally Bewildered on a rare day out.
As for the show the Brits put on, featuring a morphing red London bus, hordes of annoying dancers – it looked like a Cliff Richard film directed by Brent Council, but less fun.
And then the climax: David Beckham popping out of the top of the bus like Samantha Fox out of a birthday cake, to the tunes of ‘Whole Lotta Love’ warbled by crummy TV talent show winner Leona Lewis in crinolene, stuck on the end of a pole like a dodgy Christmas decoration.
How the world went wild as he showed us his latest cosmetic surgery! (My tranny friend Michelle tells me he’s had his eyes done, the upper bags – and I never doubt her judgement about these things). Before expertly kicking a ball into the wrong part of the stadium.
It was a complete and utter disaster and embarrassment. A comedy of errors with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Welcome to London.
No, really, you’re welcome to it.
So this is what we have to look forwarad to in 2012 then!!! Hilarious!
Couldn’t agree more. Seeing this bolied my piss a couple of weeks ago. What the fuck has contempory dance got to do with the Olympic Games? And a bus that transformed into a stage must have cost a mint but the sound system was piss poor for Lewis and Plant so what was the point? The eyes of the world on good old GB and as a Brit I just didn’t get it so why would anyone living elsewhere on the planet. So disspointing.