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Aussie Rules Football Surrenders to Sporno

Dolce & Gabbana’s latest sporno campaign for their Intimo men’s underwear line (below), employing eager, wide-shouldered chaps from their national team to stretch their designer cotton, seems to have taken inspiration from the tarty antics of the swimmers at last year’s Olympics, peeling their swimsuits off to flash their ‘cum gutters’ at the world (or was it just me?).

Dolce & Gabbana Intimo underwear 2009-3

I certainly wouldn’t mind a few lengths with any or all of them, but I can’t help but wonder whether D&G might not have had a more spornographic impact if they’d used instead some of these Aussie Rules footballers from Down Under to stretch and pitch their product: they’ve just appeared in a ‘Gods of Football’ sporno calendar clearly inspired by Dieux du Stade, if not actually paying homo-homage (see below).

Though maybe it’s all just a matter of taste.  Or positioning.  There’s definitely something about Aussie Rules Footie that makes for butts that sit up and beg for attention. And they’re certainly getting it from me. The photographer Pedro Virgil, has expertly exploited this ‘asset’ to the full and made these extraordinarily athletic arses the stars of the calendar.

MichaelOsborneGodsofFootbal[6]
‘Where are you planning on putting that big lens?’ asks Michael Osbourne
John-Williams-Gods-of-Football-2009[6]
John Williams contemplates his career profile and clenches, while the setting sun – and our eyes – stroke his thighs.
TRAVIS BURNS Gods of Football
Travis Burns has cleverly tattooed his name on the back of his arm so we’ll know whose arse we’re staring at. And book him again.
gods-of-football-calendar-3[6]
The obligatory barn and shower scenes
Gods of Football 2009 Chair Reclining
‘Do with me what you will! (But speak to my agent first, OK?)’

Tip: D.A. Krolak

8 thoughts on “Aussie Rules Football Surrenders to Sporno”

  1. I wondered ‘If these were for women, why the bum shots? Well i just learned a new word, for something thats caught on with some straights here:”pegging” which is a woman strapping on a dildo a’ la Myra Breckenridge, and giving her boyfriend a plug in the rear socket. They seem to think it’s new, although I know that ladies have been intruding on their men’s behinds with delightful results for some time in other countries: e.g. glass rods, knoted cloths .

    I’m not too worried about it catching on though, even gay people seem to have forgottten that sex was once more important than ironing someone elses cloths.

  2. Everything American is commodified; I think to the captitalist mind, there is something gratuitous about athletes doing something more than just what they are paid for(i.e. laying about naked) that has questionable morality hence questionable money.
    It’s different if you can get someone who can do nothing else that might be thought morally dubious and only that.
    Also there is that All-American sportsmanship humble image which would be seriously impaired if he was seen staring up at you (who own him) with awanton look on his mug. Opponents in the sport would be whispering, what did he have to do to get that contract?

  3. Americans. Can have sex without them, can watch porn as disappointing as that made by them, can ignore them as Puritans but….

    …everytime I have sex I still sound like an American porno track circa the late 80’s / early 90’s. “Yeah, you wan tha’ doncha?” a la Jeff Stryker comes to mind….

    Nice pics though. Glad that I am an Aussie!

  4. Maybe it’s because I enjoyed chemistry at school, but I like the idea of being an agent of desublimation. Though I like the idea of releasing steam and stopping the wheels of industry even more.

    In answer to your earlier query about America and sporno: you’re right. The US has been relatively resistant to sporno – most of the examples come from Europe, Australia and South America. The US of A still has a double-padlocked chastity belt where it should have a spangly, see-through jock.

    But then the US was the only country in the world that had a backlash against metrosexuality, and sporno represents a slutty intensification of metrosexuality. The American anti-metro backlash is bogus of course, but then so is most American morality. Despite America having pioneered in many ways the commodification of the male body, sporno is just too openly tarty for American mores and, ironically, for the American worship of The Jock.

  5. That pasel puts pro models to shame. Those asses are just upsetting.
    If you get tired of them , you’re undoubtedly running low on fuel or have lost your eyesight.
    Osborn is obviously saying: “no lube?” The rest just don’t care, and are ready to get in the swim. Looks like the rope is hanging from Williams’ forward asset. Is he a bondage man?
    Lundborg is becoming an ol whore: just look at the cruel ‘come hither’ look in his eyes, certainly not a come on for the females.

    Doen’t worry Mark re:nastyness; Focault claims that Victorian prudery was just a way of redirecting sexual energy for work intensive industrial tasks. Look at yourself as an instrument of social change.’ Vive’ la revolution.’
    Imagine tatooing that on Osborns bum! (For the cause, mais qui)!

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