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Shane Warne Comes Out Looking Pretty

Remember the Australian cricketer Shane Warne? Remember how blokey and beery and one of the carefree lads he was? A proper man’s man? Well, he’s only gone and been snared by a posh Pommy Sheila who’s turned him into a bloody pooftah!

Or at least this was the drift of today’s Telegraph article about him, snappily titled: ‘Shane Warne’s remarkable transformation at the hands of girlfriend Liz Hurley continues’:

During his years as a famous Aussie cricketer, Warne had declined to take much of an interest in his physique or appearance, except for the odd foray into blond hair dye and hair “renewal”. If he grew slightly overweight thanks to too much beer and too many meat pies, it didn’t seem to worry him.

But it seems those days are over.

Since he met and started dating Hurley, he has morphed into an altogether more sophisticated creature.

Gone is the bad dye job and spiky hair. Gone is the pot belly. Gone are the trainers and high-street tracksuits.

These days Warne seems to be styling himself, or being styled, on a cross between James Bond and a Ken doll.

Thanks to the attentions of Hurley he says that he has lost 22lb and feels better than he has in years. He appears to have had his eyebrows reshaped and has even admitted to using moisturising cream, defiantly proclaiming: “Yes, I’m still a man”.

Warne, nosing into middle-age at 41, is a latecomer to the metrosexual party, but he appears to be making up for lost time. For what it’s worth, I’m not sure his look is exactly working for me, but it seems to be working for him and that’s rather more important. After all, he ‘feels better than he has in years’.

But note how this is all ‘at the hands of’ Hurley. How he is ‘being styled on a cross between James Bond and a Ken Doll.’ Hurley in other words is playing dressy-uppy with her new boy toy. Who might proclaim he’s ‘still a man’, but we know he’s been tamed, and spayed and turned all girly by Hurley.

We’ve been here before. A similar sort of thing was said about David Beckham when he married Posh Spice (and not just by Sir Alex Ferguson). The wicked witch had ensnared the fresh-faced Manchester United footballer and then, with the help of her gay chums, had drugged him with hairspray and turned him into the sarong-wearing sissy that paraded in front of the world’s media.

A decade on, I think now most people accept that Becks is the way he is because Becks wants to be the way he is. He chose Posh as much as she chose him — probably because he wanted to be the biggest Spice Girl in the world. If so, he succeeded.

Warne isn’t going to challenge Becks for his metro crown any time soon, but he has obviously decided to prettify himself considerably. So much so that to some retrosexual die-hards it must almost look like a sex change (‘Yes, I’m still a man.’).

But Warne seems to enjoy feeling pretty. Maybe Hurley appealed to him precisely because she knew all the right stylists. So he could become the beautiful metrosexual butterfly the roly-poly cricketer was trying to turn into all along.

Being a blokey bloke isn’t necessarily about being carefree. It can be about caring much too much what other blokey blokes might say. Perhaps this new glamorous, svelte Shane Warne is the ‘real’ one, rather than an inauthentic, Girly-Hurley-confected fake that The Telegraph et al suggest he is.

In the end, contrary to the way the media often likes to present it, metrosexuality isn’t so much about men submissively pleasing women as men pleasing themselves.

Which, it seems, is the scary part.

 

8 thoughts on “Shane Warne Comes Out Looking Pretty”

  1. Honourable Husband: That was a good post, all the way down to:

    ‘I bet Warney bends her over with a rough hand, rogers her senseless and sticks his thumb in her arse while doing it. I bet she loves it. In fact I hope she does. That chinless wonder Grant probably spent so long preening in the mirror it was no wonder she lost so much weight.’

    Aside from the fact that the blogger is being a bit of hypocrite here, dissing Grant for the vanity he’s pretending to defend in Warne, how do these straight male Warne fans know so much about what he does in bed? It would be creepy if it wasn’t obviously a fantasy of how they’d like Shaney to take THEM.

  2. Well, I’m glad he’s finally got in touch with his inner tartiness.

    I also read someone somewhere claiming that he would sometimes say to a chap stood next to him at the urinal, after shaking off his own and putting it away: ‘Nice cock mate!’, slap them on the back and then waltz off.

    I suspect though you had to be Shane Warne to get away with that.

  3. Shane Warne has always been a bit of a tart though. It was rumored once that after having spent several months in the gym he had taken to strutting around the change rooms naked more often than was necessary.

  4. Well, if he’s given up the tabs he’s found something much more potent for weight loss.

    I can’t really pass comment on smoking in style terms as I’m one of those nagging bitches….

    Though I’ve been told that the street outside the offices of Men’s Health are full of models and staff dragging on tabs – and looking a bit sheepish.

  5. My fondest memory of the old Warnie was in 1999, when he welched on a sponsorship deal from Nicorette to give up smoking. The lad was caught on the end of a fag during a test in Barbados, smoking on the pitch, no less. This endeared him to a generation. Pharmacia never asked for their money back, it seems.

    In Liz’s attempts to make Warne smokin’ hot extended to him giving up smoking? The right to smoke even though the missus nags you not to is a basic tenet of blokedom.

    I think we need a style ruling from the Father of the Metrosexual. Is smoking a metrosexual faux pas? Or does it help you stay thin…rather like that other blokish pastime, vomiting.

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