Do These Upstanding Young Men Look Like Gay Homosexual Butt Chuggers?

No, this one isn’t the work of The Onion. Not only would the large cast of suited and booted fraternity boys with solemn faces and clasped hands standing behind the comedy attorney who can’t stop saying butt chugging’ break their production budget, it’s just far too chugging crazy.

If this uniquely American spectacle had been presented as surreal satire no one would buy it.

Look out for the two frat bros who emerge hastily from the bushes at 4.47 and sheepishly join their serious-looking brothers at the back. ‘Butt’ if you think they might have been engaging in a quick spot of that absolutely ree-puls-ive practise of butt-chugging, then SHAME. ON. YOU.

Tip: Stephane T

5 Replies to “Do These Upstanding Young Men Look Like Gay Homosexual Butt Chuggers?”

  1. My favorite line in this whole saga:

    ‘“I was apparently on the floor of the shower, and when someone attempted to raise me off the floor, that person used my belt to lift me up which caused my shorts to be forced into my crotch area,” Broughton wrote in his statement, adding that he then defecated on himself.’

    Apparently, while butt-chugging isn’t part of God’s plan, defecating on yourself while drinking IS part of the divine plan.

  2. Ohhh, okay. There I was pondering the semantics/logistics of chugging a solid object, but it turns out to be the butt doing the chugging. Very clever. No, wait, what am I saying? – what a monumentally dumb idea! Simply excising everything that’s pleasurable about drinking. But terribly all-American in its efficiency, I’ll grant that.

    But those chaps are AWfully solemn anyway. You’d think someone had died or, worse, been accused of being a homo. Oh wait…

    If I had to bet, I’d wager some of those fraternity butts were definitely chugging away on the night in question. But beyond that, isn’t it interesting how we just can’t get beyond the gay = anus trope. Perhaps especially in America. I love your word “clenched” Mark to describe this culture. Perhaps what it needs is an Asshole Appreciation Day or something. No wait…

    Anyway, that is truly one of the weirder things I’ve seen in awhile! Onionesque indeed.

    Ironically (or not), although stats on the subject appear to be scandalously non-existent, I would not be surprised if it is butch Republican butts doing a greater share of the chugging in this land. I mean, look at the current presidential candidates and ask yourself which of those two butts was more likely to have dabbled in chugging during their university years. I rest my case.

  3. Why thank you good sir. I try. Actually, I don’t. It just comes naturally, like a booze colonoscopy to a fratboy.

  4. This is the greatest thing I have ever heard of, except maybe for vodka tampons:

    http://reason.com/blog/2011/11/14/vodka-soaked-tampons-this-is-everywhere

    There are a great man advertising possibilities inherent in the new young and fun concepts of butt chugging and vodka tampons, though the latter needs a more fun brand name – Alcohole, maybe? ‘Vodka tampons’ just can’t compete with the fun phrase ‘butt chugging.’

    I know this sort of stuff goes on because I saw a documentary in the mid-80s about party-hearty frat-fart boys called Revenge of the Nerds, and was shocked at the behavior of the young men who would call themselves the middle class backbone of America. However, even back then guys weren’t violating their backsides putting alcohol in them – this animalistic alcoholic anal antic aberration act hadn’t taken off quite yet. We all know the heart-tugging sobriety-mugging jump from chugger to bugger is small one; drop yer kecks and get a keg up you!
    After all, I’m sure that once these drunk guys have a funnel up their stovepipe, inserting a penis isn’t that much different.

    So struggling young Americans of both sexes are shoving alcohol up their holes. They have the proverbial drinking problem, in that, in this sanity-and-sexually-repressed country, nobody ever taught them how to drink. They should do public classes on it in school. Then again, couldn’t it be argued that, when most Americans drink…it’s an arsehole getting drunk anyway?

    Just a philosophical point. Talk amongst yourselves.

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