I was watching the BBC show on Canadian CBC last night with typical old-school Canadian contained amusement until this bit in the barber shop came on. I nearly pissed myself!! Lumbosexual! I had to write it down.

A few months ago, I sat bewildered as the old guy who, finding himself thirsty while out walking on a Saturday night, misinterpreted a rustic storefront on a pub and sat down at the bar without so much as a look around. When I did, I thought I’d skidded ahead a few months and forgot to dress up for Halloween. It was a hipster clown show of hair product, awkward attempts at chin cover, red/black flannel and head down social network texting while ignoring others at the social network tables.

It struck me instantly as an illustration of a generation completely lost as to who, what, where and even why they were put on this planet. It was dress-up gone stupid. Lumber fuggin jacks!?? I wanted to go get my chainsaw from the truck, throw it at their feet and shout “Start it!” There would be no danger of limbs being lost.

Self absorbed and self professed experts of the trivial, I shudder to think where our society will be in 30 years with pozers like these and their complete reliance on others to accomplish anything useful. Skills like identifying the origin of coffee beans by their aroma or waxing poetic about hints of lime and coriander and a chocolate finish to a beer dooms our community to a future of useless trifles that will not get your car started, the deck repaired or even that tree overhanging the garage in the backyard dropped without an insurance claim. Oh, wait a minute. Do hipsters even drive? Forget the garage part.

Lumbosexual. Jeeezuz. Hipsters want to pretend to be lumberjacks? Take a lesson from the redneck in the corner in the ball cap, overlapping oil stains on his Costco jeans and looking around cuz he knew he just walked into the wrong bar. He’ll show you how to start a chain saw.