Big Brother

Fauxstralian Britain

 Mark Simpson on how we’re all Australian now   (One from the vaults, originally appeared in the Guardian Guide, 2001 – at what now looks like Oz’s cultural high-water mark) If you listen carefully to the soundtrack on Puppetry of the Penis, a video of the show which recently toured Britain to sell-out audiences in which two Australian men, one with long frizzy hair, the other with a handlebar moustache, make their genitalia do impressions of hamburgers and vaginas, you will hear people laughing. Not… Read More »Fauxstralian Britain

Love Island – ITV’s Primetime Spornotopia

Mark Simpson on this Summer’s smash-hit dating show: ‘a comedy of compulsory heterosexuality’. (Telegraph Men, 18 July, 2017) Utopian fantasies have long gripped the human imagination. Famous, brainy – but sadly, not very buff – thinkers such as Plato (in the 4th Century BC), Thomas Moore (in the 16th AD) and HG Wells (in the 20th), sketched out what an ideal society might look like. But their philosophical visions were never realised. It wasn’t until the early 21st Century that someone finally had the brilliant idea… Read More »Love Island – ITV’s Primetime Spornotopia

How I Fluffed Big Brother And My Chance to be REALLY FAMOUS

That shameless hussy show Big Brother will soon be spread-eagled across our screens again. The puddle-deep fame factory and test-tube celembryo hatchery starts it’s Summer-long domination of the TV schedules next week. I have no intention of watching it – like most, I had my BB fling years ago and wish it would stop trying to woo me back. But I do have a slight curiosity about who the contestants are this year.  Why? Because they might have been my housemates this Summer. They might have been people I… Read More »How I Fluffed Big Brother And My Chance to be REALLY FAMOUS

‘Metrosexual Knobs’ – Can They Satisfy?

Poor Mark Latham, the former leader of the Australian Labour Party, isn’t happy with the state of Australian manhood. Like so many things, it isn’t as good or as big or as satisfying as it used to be. In his new book (curiously titled ’A Conga Line of Suckholes’) he laments: “One of the saddest things I have seen in my lifetime has been the decline in Australian male culture . . . Australian mates and good blokes have been replaced by nervous wrecks, metrosexual… Read More »‘Metrosexual Knobs’ – Can They Satisfy?