James Bond

Goodbye, Mr Bond – Hello Buff New World

Mark Simpson on how Sean Connery’s ‘overgrown stuntman’ sired a generation of young men licenced to thrill So, Mr Bond finally did what Mr Goldfinger expected him to do. Even if it took 56 years. This October, two months after his 90th birthday, Sir Thomas Sean Connery, the first, most definitive, most popular, most alluring, most stirring incarnation of the unshaken British secret agent, died. Connery made six official and one unofficial Bond films. And of course, many more non-Bond films, some of them classics,… Read More »Goodbye, Mr Bond – Hello Buff New World

The Swishy Villainy & Psychodrama of Skyfall

Mark Simpson fondles the pecs and thighs of James Bond’s latest ‘outing’ When at their first meeting in Skyfall a rather forwards Raul Silva, played by a bleached-blond Javier Bardem, takes caddish advantage of James Bond’s (Daniel Craig’s) indisposition – tied as he is to a chair – running his hands over 007’s craggy face, ripped chest and powerful thighs, and flirtatiously-threateningly suggesting “Well, first time for everything, Bond…” you could feel the audience in my local cinema freeze. And when Bond delivered the now-famous… Read More »The Swishy Villainy & Psychodrama of Skyfall

Bond on a Budget: Quantum of Solace is Plenty Cheap

Mark Simpson is disappointed with the ‘morguish’ sequel to Casino Royale “I’d rather stay in a morgue!” So sniffs Daniel Craig in the latest Bond vehicle Quantum of Solace when presented with less than salubrious accommodation in La Paz, Bolivia. Instead of checking in, he sweeps off to a flash five star Wallpaper magazine hotel even more preposterous than his new movie’s title. The audience at my local cinema seemed to mistake this sniffiness for quippiness and giggled nervously – perhaps out of desperation for… Read More »Bond on a Budget: Quantum of Solace is Plenty Cheap

Bashing Bond’s Blond Bollocks

I finally saw the new Bond film starring the new Bond Daniel Craig last night (my OUT essay was written sight unseen – winging it entirely by the seat of Craig’s pants). The new Bond delivered.  Some (swooningly subjective) observations: Bond is now the ‘Bond Girl’ of the opening credits. It’s his silhouette we see – and nary a dancing naked babe in sight. Perhaps to compensate for this, in the actual film he gets his tits out a lot. He emerges from the sea… Read More »Bashing Bond’s Blond Bollocks

Scoring The Gayness, Bondness & Shagability of the 007s

In honour of this week’s launch of the new Bond movie ‘Casino Royale’, starring Daniel Craig as the new, pumped, shaved, very tight-shirted blond Bond – he may be a secret agent but Craig’s pecs have very publicly outed his metrosexuality – here’s a breakdown of the different Bonds according to their gayness, Bondness, and shagability. SEAN CONNERY – 1962-1967; 1971 Author Ian Fleming thought the Scottish actor ‘an overgrown stuntman’ but was later won over by the burly, latent-metro Bond. Who can blame him? Gayness: 009… Read More »Scoring The Gayness, Bondness & Shagability of the 007s