The 'Daddy' of the Metrosexual, the Retrosexual, & spawner of the Spornosexual

Tag: male body (page 1 of 1)

Details Magazine Reviews ‘Male Impersonators’ and ‘Metrosexy’

Look around. Everywhere you turn, the male form is being idealized, commodified, fetishized. On TV screens (the ripped vampires of True Blood), in Hollywood (Ryan Gosling’s toned torso lifting Crazy, Stupid, Love to the top of the box office), and on billboards (towering images of chiseled men in briefs), laptops, and smartphones (the appendages of Weiner and Favre). Now look in the mirror. (And we know you do.) We’ve all become body-conscious to the core (not to mention conscious of our core). Working out more, eating better, dressing in slimmer clothes, getting the hedges trimmed (and maybe even a nip or a tuck). Because, in the end, we all want to look as good as David Beckham does in briefs. Have we entered a grand age of self-improvement? Or is it narcissism? Or homoeroticism? It’s all those things, and more

(There’s a slideshow here)

Tip: Fraser

“When You Gotta Big Dick, You Don’t Gotta Do Nothin!”

Mike De Luca (played with sweaty verve by Jordan Nice) is an unemployed, rather lazy young Italian-American chap living in blue-collar, post-industrial Philly who decides to go with the metrosexy times and make his fame and fortune by turning his manhood into cash. Whipping it out on webcam for the punters, male and female.

In his Ma’s front room.

As he puts it in a catch-phrase even more salient and wise than ‘Gym. Tan. Laundry’:

“When you gotta big dick, you don’t gotta do nothin! Life comes to YOU!”

So true, Mike, so true. You don’t even need to go to the gym. Or the laundry.

Big Dick Mike has gone one stage further than that other Italian-American Mikey ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, the real star of Jersey Shore, who has already of course made his name and fortune by commodifying his body. For all the machismo, Mikey Sorrentino in many ways occupies the position of voluptuous female glamour model getting her tits out for the paparazzi – a glamour model who just happens to be penised. (Though if the bitchy rumours are to be believed, not so much.)

Mike De Luca on the other hand is all cock. Which he has totally commodified. If not very successfully yet.

The Big Dick Mike Show is a great idea for a sit-com, and also a pointed commentary on where masculinity is at in a mediated, totally tarty world.

It’s also much more entertaining than that dreary, moralising TV series Hung. Let’s hope Mike ‘The Erection’ De Luca gets a Network deal soon. And flops it out coast to coast, showing Mikey Sorrentino what a real ‘Situation’ looks like.

Paris Attacked By Army of Aberzombies – Surrenders Instantly

101 shirtless, hairless pairs of perfect pecs stop the traffic on Champs Elysees. All part of a shameless, highly successful ploy by Abercrombie & Fitch to draw attention to their new flagship store opening in Paris.

Back in Bushy, anti-American 2007, when A&F opened their London store I wrote about the ‘Frattish American Wet Dream Conquering the World’:

Dowdy Anti-Americanism isn’t, in the final reel, something that the world’s huddled masses actually want to wear. London will no doubt be a great, chest shaving, success for new Yankee imperialists A&F.’

But one that will be dwarfed, I’m sure, by the shrieking, fainting, hair-pulling success of any store they open in that supposed capital of America-hating – Paris.


Is The Situation a Tom of Finland Fan?

Or is Tom of Finland a Situation fan?

Compare these two pictures, one of a cartoonish mid-Twentieth gay porn fantasy swaggering/sashaying with his tits out down the street, the other of Mikey Sorrentino, cartoonish star of the MTV hit reality show Jersey Shore, swaggering/sashaying with his tits out down the street.

Tom of Finland sketch, c. early 1960s







MikeSorrentino, c. 2011

Mikey’s face isn’t quite the Tom-ish Scandinavian ideal — and his pants are, following the American Phalliban fashion, much roomier — but the sensual, shameless tits and abs certainly are.

These pics are spooky proof that half a century ago Tom of Finland was sketching the blueprints for the tarty male body of the 21st Century.